This week marks the four-year anniversary of becoming a one dog household. I’m so happy to be in a place where thoughts of Max make me smile and where the weight of missing him versus having had him are perfectly balanced and thus I am balanced also. He is my angel dog, my heart dog, the dog that taught me how to love unconditionally.
What I’m most surprised at this week is the four-year part. Not in regards to it feeling like four years, anyone who’s lost someone (two-legged or four) knows it always feels like just yesterday plus a lifetime since you saw them last. What surprises me is after four years, I’m still a one-dog household. Part of that is Melvin and all the issues we have overcome. But those obstacles (and money) aside, the real reason is that I’m pretty content with just Melvin.
I want two dogs. I’m constantly searching for the next dog. In the same breath, I don’t feel a void having only one. The other over-riding issue is that generally speaking, I’m allergic to chaos. I proclaim to chaos, “you cannot stay here, be gone!”. I do calm and even though things regularly get out of hand the way life tends to do, I get us back to tranquil. Anyone who knows me well will tell you, I’m the Zen in the room. You can bring the crazy but be prepared for me to simma ya down now. Thus some days, two dogs feels outside of my comfort zone. Like bedlam would win, that maybe I can’t rule that roost. And the only real issue that remains after admitting that is: I want another dog.
Maybe I should get treatment for my split personality first.