Number one.

Apparently she wants another dog.  I know what the problem is, I’ve just been so wonderful and charming and lovable that she now needs more.  What is She, a junkie? How greedy.

I want it made very, very, very, very clear – I want to be an only dog.  The end.

What if she does not have enough love to go around?  What if we run out of food?  What if the government mandates you can only have one dog and she has to choose.?  Man oh man, there are a billion ways this can go wrong.

How can I stop this?  I pooped in the house during Sandy’s visit, She just cleaned it up and forgave me.  I mess up her bed everyday, she laughs.  I drool, shed, fart, bark, lung and take up the whole bed.  She just keeps loving me and wanting another dog to do more of the same.  Is she insane?

My one saving, hopeful thing is that she said ‘it’s not for sure’.  She applied and someone else could too so maybe this will fall through.  I don’t like to see Her disappointed but I can live with it on this one issue.  I mean did She not hear all the noise that dog made?  I’m not even sure he’s a dog, he could be a pig.

Signed, Melvin.  The ONE and ONLY, FOREVER. Amen.

PS.  I’m not sure who she is trying to fool, that may not be the original black rolling box but me eyeballs knows what this means:



7 thoughts on “Number one.

  1. Oh Melvin, don’t you know what fun having a brother or sister can be? I was super bummed when momma and daddy brought my first stupid foster brother home last year, but ever since then I learned that all it means is I have someone to take the blame whenever something mysteriously goes wrong. Because I am perfect, and I would never chew on the couch. Mom & dad know that. xo Oscar

  2. You are funny Melvin 😀 I wouldn’t worry about another dog. You might find that you really like it and become great buddies – getting up to all sorts of mischief together. And love, well, the good thing with it is that the more it is used, the more there is to go around. You can’t run out of it!

  3. Melvin – give Rufus a call and he can talk to you about what happens when you go from an only dog to a dog brother. Spoiler alert: he preferred being an only dog too. But no worries, there is ALWAYS enough love (and food) to go around!

  4. Oh Melvin – my Mazzie knows how you feel about being an only dog. She and I encourage you to have an open mind and an open heart. We promise to share our food if you run out and have more than enough love to share as well. Can’t say what would happen in the case of a one dog mandate, but let’s not even think of such a horrible state of affairs becoming a reality!!!!

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