I woke up in the middle of the night and could have sworn I saw Jake out of his condo. In fact I said out loud “Jake, how did you get out of your condo”. He was asleep, in the condo. Oh, darkness, you got me.
Anyway, it got me thinking how when Max died everyone told me that I’d see him (or his shadow) from time to time (to not think I was crazy) and that I’d dream about him. It’s been five years and neither of those things ever happened. Not ever, not once. (Unless he was wearing the cloak of invisibility in my dreams, which is entirely possible). I’m not upset about this. I mean if it happens, great, and if it doesn’t, well there is nothing I can do about that.
Max, was easy-going. He liked everyone he met. Everyone liked him back. During his senior years, when we would go on walks, squirrels were not threatened by him, birds did not fly off. Towards the end, walking him was a lesson in peace. We didn’t get very far and it was slow going, but to watch him sniff and take it all in… just existing was joy to him.
When Max died, I honestly thought I would grieve forever. As we all know, eventually, you move through the sadness. I think of him often, a little more during the holidays since his face adorns many ornaments (and I’m reminded of how much I tortured him to get a Christmas card photo). Max taught me to be kinder, to be gentler, to give life time. I carry him as a part of me and I see moments with Melvin that take me to Max. I may never dream of him, or see his shadow but that’s OK, because I’m pretty sure he never really left me. He imprinted on my world, his sparkle is sprinkled all around.
Max will always be one of the greatest gifts ever given to me. During the holidays, memories warm my heart, and I feel very blessed.