Life is short, but sweet for certain.

Despite my inability to accept it, it appears that Melvin’s time with us will be cut short. I am caught between heartbroken and ridiculously grateful that he is mine.  Heartbroken wins out most moments but when I look at him, I’m so proud of our life together.  And I’m honored to love him and I’ll be honored to be there for him at his end.

But mostly, I am just crying.

Melvin has been diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma.  It’s in his liver. He has one large tumor and several smaller ones.  It is a very aggressive cancer.  Most owners do not know their dog has this type of cancer until the dog dies, suddenly.  I’m glad we know.   I was in the room when they were doing the ultrasound. It was the day after his birthday.  The Dr. said: I’m so sorry, I have terrible news.

‘Terrible’ was not a strong enough word. After all we have been through, this is just not how I saw our end playing out.

We have spoken to two vets and from what I understand, eventually the large tumor will rupture.  There will be a few warning signs but apparently it will happen rather quickly, and it could happen at any time. Surgery and chemo do not look to be options but we are still seeking all doctors who may know otherwise. Right now I just stare at him non-stop. And since he is always aware of me, he stares back.  Jake stares at us both, at the same time.

So to sum it up, it sucks.

Please know that this community of readers, and bloggers and virtual friends gives me strength and I’m super thankful and stronger knowing you are here, there, wherever you are.  We are going to live in the now, have as many moments together as we can.  Jake will love it, Melvin will tolerate and I will soak in every moment, every touch, every glance. I could not love him more, but in the coming days, I will certainly try. It’s sad, but this is life.  And all we can do is make the most of it.  The good news, yes shockingly there is good news, is that this type of cancer is not known to be painful.  He most certainly does not feel good, but he is not in pain. And when the time comes, I’ve been told it will be quick and he should be relatively comfortable.

I would never let him suffer.

We are accepting prayers for miracles, always!  Keep those coming.  Since finding out yesterday, I have spent a great amount of time crying and trying to make sense of it all. But this afternoon I am taking deep breaths and thinking that miracles happen all the time.  I mean a miracle sent me Melvin, so you really never know! We see a specialist on Tuesday. Third opinion could always be the charm!

With love, us.

80 thoughts on “Life is short, but sweet for certain.

  1. Our love is Always with you. You already know that. Our hope is that Melvin pulls a Brutus and outlives the forecast that was given him. Boney and Moby send their love and want Jake and Melvin to know that they will do their best to carry on the tradition of stalking when the time comes…love you!!

    • oh Melvin u sweet dog
      I do know you ! What a special life you live. No matter how much longer you are here ,your moms heart ihas held you in her love like no other. You are so very lucky to have been chosen by each other The gift u give to one another is more joy than most ever know . Oh Melvin ! Oh Melvin to be you , is to know true love .

  2. Oh Tracey I am so sorry my heart is breaking for you. At least you know and he will not suffer. Sending hugs and kisses to yo 😳

  3. I am so very sorry.This is just heartbreaking news. I will keep you all in my prayers. You never know, miracles DO happen.

  4. Oh such sad news! I’m so sorry. I lost my service dog suddenly to hemangiosarcoma. It is heartbreaking. Hang on to hope of a miracle.

  5. I am so sorry to hear this…I saw Emily’s and Miranda’s posts and wondered who it could be. 🙁 I know we don’t “know” each other, but I love following you on FB and Instagram. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I grew up with a yellow lab and he was the most amazing dog. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers, and praying for a miracle!!

  6. So, SO, So sorry. My heart breaks for you, as I KNOW how painful this is having said goodbye to Sarge last month. You have an amazing attitude about it, and SO much love to give Melvin before you have to say goodbye. The Mr., Nola, Laynie and I are all sending happy thoughts and love to you, Melvin and Jake!

  7. Sending you so much love…..SO MUCH love and hugs. Also sending you pug snorts and maize tail whips. Give a big kiss to melvin for me.

  8. Oh, I am so sorry. I know you are just devastated, and I really feel for you. It’s so hard, and we never have them long enough. I hope it brings you a small bit of comfort that he is not suffering. Love on him for us as well, sending lots of hugs your way.

  9. I had a sinking feeling it was you and Melvin that Emily and Miranda were referring to but while I would never hope it on someone else, I was hoping it wasn’t you. You and your boys mean so much to us and we will be praying extra hard for a miracle.
    and Love.

  10. I am so sorry to hear this. Life is just not fair sometimes. I will be keeping you and Melvin and Jake in my thoughts. You are an amazing dog parent, and Melvin and Jake are lucky to have you. And you are lucky to have them. Enjoy the time you have left with Melvin and we will all be shedding some tears along with you…

  11. Oh, terrible, sad news indeed. Melvin will always be with you. Always, in so many ways. As J.K. Rowling said in a Harry Potter book, Things we lose have a way of coming back to us. You have shared Melvin and your love with all of us and I for one am so appreciative. It has been an honor being part of your lives. i will cherish the memories. Loving a dog is never easy. But you’ve done a good job with it.

  12. This is so very heartbreaking. I recently started following your blog and Facebook page. I have learned to love your boys just from your stories. We never have them with us long enough. I will, of course, pray for every miracle under the sun to be sent your way. Hugs and prayers for ALL of you. He certainly knows and feels all this love.

  13. I commented on the FB posting of this…I know someone who’s pup passed away from this, and she runs a FB group about it with over 600 members. You might find some helpful info there, as well as lots of support! I’m so sorry to hear this. {{{hugs}}}

  14. Oh, Melvin. Oh, Tracey. I’m so sorry. A friend of mine who just lost her dog advised all of us to record more video clips of our dogs just walking around, doing dog stuff. She said she wished she had more than just her photos to look at now that her dog is gone. Maybe it’s movie time for Melvin? I imagine most of the videos would be of him sleeping and then just staring at you (that would be Birdie’s video), but even so, might be worth doing. Sending you 3 lots of love.

    • The day we found out I got my camera out and started recording every mundane thing, although all those things are no longer mundane at all. I doubt I’ll ever be able to watch them but I think knowing they exist will help me feel like he’s with me. Just a tiny version, in my phone. Thank you for reaching out. You have always been such a Melvin & Tracey supporter. I really appreciate it.

      • Keep recording. One day – probably a long while after you’ve cried yourself dry – you’ll watch it all and be able to smile. Holding your little family in my heart – Jess

  15. Our hearts are with and breaking for you all. We know how much love is shared between you and Melvin, and can’t even begin to imagine how hard this must be. Hugs and puppy kisses from us all. -Lynn, Ollie and Balton

  16. Tracey, I just started following your blog recently and fell in love with your little family and the love you all share. Now I can’t stop crying. I am so sorry you have to go through this and selfishly, I’m sorry I have to go through it too. I will be praying, because I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.

  17. I must tell you this story so that you can think about how much you want Melvin to go threw and about your time together. I had a furbaby named Drifus sense his birth. He was 10 years old when I had to take him to the vet because he couldn’t pee.. The vet told me he had a large cluster prostate cancer and I would have to make a decision soon . He advised me that Drifus should be PTS and he would do it at my home. as his bladder will burst and it is agonizing trauma to happen. I could not give up on my beloved pup so I ended up taking him to Cornell University when he was put threw terrible procedures and 5000 dollars later I had to have him put to sleep. I look back on that and only wished I had took my Vets advice where he would have been PTS in my home instead of on a floor with me beside him at Cornell without all the unnecessary extra pain he had to go threw. I feel so guilty that I put my feelings ahead of what Drifus had to go threw because I could not let go. Please think and ask how much will Melvin have to go threw or spending some quality time with him to say goodbye.I am so sorry that this has happen to Melvin . Please give him my best wishes for him and a Hug.

    • Thank you so much for reaching out! My goal is minimal to no suffering at all. From what we have been told so far, there is nothing we can really do. He is on a blood clotting medicine so that when a bleed starts, it might help give us more time. His treatment will be true and unconditional love.

  18. I am so sorry. This makes my heart ache for you all. I love Melvin. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers because miracles do happen and of anyone deserves one, it is you guys.

  19. I’m so so so sorry to hear this sad news. Hands and paws are joined here to send lots of gentle comfort and healing thoughts Melvin’s way.

    We had to bid good-bye to our 13 year-old rescue Frenchie last year, who had been diagnosed with inoperable brain tumors. We got her acupuncture, gave her whatever she wanted, and enjoyed the time we had left. I miss her every day and cherish the time we had together. And as someone posted earlier, “They are always with us.” I feel Bella right next to me as I write this, and I told her to keep an eye out for Melvin at the Bridge when he’s ready.

    Hugs and wine to Dog Mom! We are thinking of you all,
    Rebecca & Sir Humphries

  20. I too believe in miracles Tracey. The power of prayer can be a gift as well. Know that I am here for you and love you. My prayers are contant. Your guys are so wonderful! You are the gift to them! Much love to you , Melvin and little Jake.

  21. Dear Tracy, I cannot tell you how sorry I am to hear this news. My heart sank when I saw the post on Facebook, and I had a feeling of what I was about to read. I have been a mess this week; I think it has to do with the fact that I am just weeks away from bidding farewell to my darling Sasha, and the new about Melvin just added to my sadness. I know all too well how difficult this time is, and I want you to know that I am here should you ever want to talk. As hard as it is, keep the attitude you have on this post because all the positivity is not only good for you but for both pups as well. Sasha was with us much much longer than anyone expected, and even with all cancer riding her body, her joyful spirit never fade away. Everyone told me to not get my hopes up, but I did not listen. She lived 2+ years from her diagnosis. I called her my miracle girl. So I do believe that amazing things can happen.

    Big hugs to you, Melvin, and Jake.


    • I thought of you the day I heard our news. Your grief and love for Sasha has always touched me. I think when things like this happen, your mind loads up with the names of people who understand. You held space in those thoughts. Thank you!

  22. I am so, SO sorry. I have walked in these shoes and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Sending love to you, Melvin and Jake.

  23. I am so sad to hear that you are suffering. You are such a loving and positive person that if miracles happen, you deserve to be first in line. Keep in mind that your love for Melvin is so strong that any separation is going to be temporary.

  24. I’m so so sorry to only read this now!! Your blog notifications are something I seek out in my Inbox but life got in the way, and I missed this. Huge hugs to you and gentle ones to Melvin.

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