Hey guys, it’s me Jake. I’ve been instructed to confess my sin. At first I was surprised at the singular ‘sin’ part but then I became super thankful that She does not know about my other indiscretions. Apparently this time I’m to admit to the following:
I pee’d on Melvin’s bed. Again.
To be honest, I did not know this was a sin. I mean I…oh, who am I kidding? I knew She’d be upset and inside I was laughing when he laid in it! I’m somewhere between the age of thirty to thirty-six but I’m like that thirty-year-old human dude who thinks he’s still in a fraternity and still lives with his parents and still plays video games in the basement. Only the dog version of that is peeing in your brother’s bed. Calm down, I mean there is a ton of crime and strife going on in this world, a little pee never killed anyone.
Why did I do it? Well, no one knows for sure. Not even me. I love my brother, I live to smell his butt. I stare at him and when he moves, I follow. At the same time, I hate my brother. He gets more food than I do, he gets to go through doorways before me and his bed is bigger and more comfortable than mine (even though She claims they are exactly the same bed, I can just tell, his is better). Also, the other day he jumped off the bed and I could tell he jumped TOWARDS me when he clearly could have jumped away from my precious body. And I know it confuses her that I sleep in that bed every chance I get and still I pee in it and well you what…I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU. I’M JAKE. I HAVE A DARK SIDE. DEAL WITH IT.
Are we done here? How does confession work, am I just instantly forgiven and released of all guilt? Great! Take care, peace out.
It’s OK little brother, when you pee in my bed, I get to sleep in the big bed.
Maybe it’s really Melvin behind it, asking Jake to pee in his bed so that he gets to be in the big bed! Jake is just being a helpful little brother! 😉
Yes! I mean we both know it’s not true but I love the brotherly aspect of it!
Maybe ….oh, who am I kidding, I’ve got nothing. I’m just laughing too hard.
Ha! Yeah, he’s guilty. But I still love him!
Ten “Hail Mary’s.” Five “Our Fathers.” You’re good. 😉
I see you’ve confessed sins before.
ROTFLMAO! Melvin is just too nice to Jake. He needs to return the favor and that will stop that behavior! 🙂
I know!! Especially just volume alone, Melvin could really show him who’s boss! But alas, Melvin is a sensitive soul, incapable of harm (or retaliation pee!).
Mister Jake, you are so very good at confessings, maybe She would let you start your own blog series called “Confess to Jake?” and they can all be about where we pee. I will start. Dear Jake, sometimes I piddle right in front of mom, even though I have JUST been outside. I just stand there, stare right at her, and squat. I just like the attention. xoxo Cooper PS Yes, I squat like a girl, what about it?
Dear boy-who-pees-like-girl,
You are safe here Cooper. Come one, come all.
Sincerely,
Pee-master Jake
Aww as the long-suffering older sister (of THREE younger brothers), I feel Melvin’s pain. Although thankfully none of my brothers ever peed in my bed.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, yes, come to think of it, many of us should be thankful for that!
It’s good that you’re confessing I just hope that Melvin doesn’t turn the tables on you and pee on your bed… that would be a little bit more to clean up I think!
She cleans up messes, it’s quite the life we lead here!
Eeewwww, not cool, little buddy!