When Max died, I prayed that I’d see him in a dream.  Every night I’d go to bed and hope that was the night he’d come to my dreams.  This year marks seven years since he died, and I have never once dreamt of him. That’s ok. Eventually, it became something I joke about.  And the truth is, sometimes humor trumps what we think we need.

After Melvin was diagnosed, I’d lay with him at night and talk to him.  Not just all the things I wanted him to know, I mean I said those things too, but more because I’ve spent years talking ‘with’ him, and I only had a short time to get a lifetime of our conversations in. In our ‘discussions’, I’d say “tell Max it’s ok he’s never snuck into my dreams, but Buddy, feel free to do as I say, not as Max does!’.  And every night, in addition to the songs, and the love and the praise I would shower him with, I’d say — “Please, find a way to come back to me. But if you can’t or you think it’s not what is best for me, then know I will understand”.  He was probably like: please stop talking, it’s 3am.

Well I feel Melvin all the time.  I feel him in my chest.  I can’t explain it, but there is a delightful weight there now, and I know it’s him.

He didn’t stop there. This week, I dreamt of Melvin. It was an odd dream.  In fact when I woke up I was trying to figure out what the heck it was even about before I realized, HOLY CRAP, MELVIN CAME BACK TO ME!

The dream was… I went to the movies with my parents. And when we walked in to get seats, the place was a mad house.  It was packed, everyone was diving for seats.  So they went one way and I said I’d sit ‘over here’ and they said, ok, you and boys sit over there. And I looked down, and Jake and Melvin were with me. I was suddenly so confused as to why I brought my dogs to the movie.  And I was worried we’d get kicked out!  So I quickly found a seat and the dogs, laid down under me. But the theatre kept getting more and more crowded.  And people were sitting on laps and the space in the aisle started filling up.  I started to feel so much anxiety about the dogs being there and getting stepped on and then I realized I didn’t have leashes for them.  And I started to panic.  I grabbed Jake in my arms and took Melvin by the collar and we went running outside.  Once outside, it was just us.  No one was there. There was a patch of grass and it was calm, and lovely and we laid in the grass and snuggled.  And I held them, and touched Melvin and it was real.

And then I woke up. I had a conversation with Melvin that went like this: Thank you.  I’ve never loved you more!!

The snugglers, reunited in a dream and hot damn if it was not glorious! 

This post is two-fold.  It’s about life with Jake, and it’s about a post I read on Facebook.

Jake came to me able-bodied and ornery as all hell.  While his gait always seemed a little off, I’d never had a Frenchie or any short-legged dog for that matter so it was really hard to tell.  Dude ran, and leapt and when walking him, he could almost pull you over with all 33 lbs.  Unlike with Melvin and his severe allergies, I had no idea what I was getting into with Jake.  I mean more often than not, you really never know.

One year after getting Jake, we woke up one morning and he got out of bed and his hind legs did not work.  He was terrified and I was terrified. Melvin even freaked out a little, why was his little buddy swimming on the floor? Fine one day, unable to walk the next day.  After emergency vet visits, neurologist visits and many tests (MRI, Spinal Tap and CT scans) I found out that Jake had the most messed up spine imaginable and that one day (not at that point but one day), his hind legs would fully stop working.  He regained use of his hind legs a few days later (thank you steroids) but his legs were never the same and his gait has continued to decline over the past year and a half. I did what I do best, I went into plan mode.

Along with his legs issues, he started losing control of his bladder and meatball making schedule.  One of the reasons I like older dogs (oh let me count the ways) is that the housebreaking days are long over.  And while Jake’s issues were not about housebreaking, they suddenly became about all the things you hate most about housebreaking.  Pee and crap.

Fast forward to today.  I change Jake’s diaper about 4-5 times a day.  We go through 12 maxi pads during an average day. They are not magic diapers or pads, they often leak.  “Little Jake’ wiggles out about 4-5 times a week and I have to get on my hands and knees and clean up the floor. i have a flashlight that shows pee (doesn’t everyone?).  He sleeps diaper-free at night (in a contained area) and I get up (on average) about 4 times a night to change out his mattress cover or pick up some meatballs. I do my own laundry, once a week.  I do Jake’s laundry, twice a day. The duties contained in this paragraph, I did not plan for them.  I’d love for these issue to go away (for me and for him) but I also never let it weigh me down.  If he pees or poops, I clean it up with the same thought process as if someone spilled some water.  It’s just something I do now.  When you love someone, and they start down a road of declining mobility, you don’t wave good-bye.  You say, wait for me, we are going this together.

This week I read a post about a woman whose dog had started marking in the house, and she had ‘tried everything’ and ‘just couldn’t take it anymore’.  The last straw had been the dog marking near/on her child’s toys.  People made suggestions about belly bands, training tips, etc, but the woman said with complete certainty, she wanted the dog gone. I could write a book for this woman, but I could tell she’d never open it.

I mean we all read posts about people who have given up on their pets.  If people are not going to be there for their dogs (and yes it’s easy to say they never should have gotten the dog, but they did, so…), I do believe they should give them up.  Sure, I wish the person would MIRACULOUSLY change, but that is not the reality.  And this person’s frustration rang true to me, I got it.  I mean she does not even have a clue at how much I GOT IT.  Jake leaks pee 24/7. She had not even scratched the surface on the amount of pee a dog can unload.

But she and I only had that in common.  The fact that into our lives, some pee did fall.

There are people who don’t have to say I’m in this with you forever because quite frankly, it goes without saying. And there are people who are only in it for as long as it works out.  Maybe one can’t be, without the other. I mean, my little family was formed because of those differences. And it could be pee, or behavioral issues or illness and the cost of vet care.  So, even when reading her post and thinking, I WISH JAKE ONLY MARKED!!!… I realized, that dog of hers, deserves better. He deserves true love.  He deserves guidance and maxi pads. And I looked at Jake and thanked God that I was capable of that love. I have quit plenty of things (diets, jobs, gym memberships, people who suck), but I will never quit Jake.

The whole thing reminded me of post I did about Melvin’s first family.  A letter I wrote (never sent) to them (HERE).  To thank them for letting him go.

Some of you will recall that Jake got a buggy about a year-and-a-half ago.  It was his mean-green-hood-machine.

There were a few things wrong with that version of the stroller.  One, despite it saying it fit a dog 50lbs or less – Jake was pretty tight in there.  He could not lay down in it which was tough on long walks. Also, those wheels were not engineered for a dog built like a boulder Jake.

The biggest issue was that after 18 months of Jake, It was just a giant-green-pee-stink-machine.  It gets much funkier during the summer heat. No thank you.

So I upgraded us all.

Of course I never fully think through anything when it comes to online shopping. I just see the ‘buy’ button and click away! But Big-Red does not fit in my SUV (well I guess it would fit but then Jake wouldn’t fit…). So now I am getting Green-Machine de-peed so it can be our travel buggy.

Life with Jake, a series of problems, solutions and pee.

Just a sidenote:  There are very few things as funny as seeing people on the path, they think it’s a kid buggy and then all of a sudden I click and treat.  The look on their faces is pure: WHY IS SHE CLICKER TRAINING HER CHILD?  IS THAT A THING NOW?

I make no secret about the fact that I love Yellow Brick Home pet portraits.  I love them more than wine and shoes combined.  True story.

It all started with our first painting. The one of the boys, from my viewpoint (me looking down and them looking up).  My dynamic duo, forever together on hot pink.

Then came Melvin’s portrait, earlier this year.  Commissioned prior to the cancer diagnosis but arriving before we lost him. I had one request: capture his Eeyore face. Kim nailed it (doy).  I hold this painting, clutched to my chest, daily. The happiest sad-face I’ve ever loved.

After Melvin died, I knew I needed to complete the collection.  When you lose something so great, you create balance wherever possible.  So I ordered a YBH painting of Jake. When talking to Kim, I tried to explain to her that since losing Melvin, there was a vulnerability in Jake’s eyes. I said maybe she’d see, maybe she’d think I’m cray.

Well, I can confirm that she saw it.  This painting, those eyes, it’s there. She captured my little monkey; a guy who lost his life partner, but is learning to find his own way.

And where to put these treasures?  That was easy. Although Melvin can no longer greet me at the door, the moment I walk into the house, I’m reminded of my little family in other ways.

If you have one (or more) of these paintings, you know.  If you HAVE YET TO ORDER ONE,  what are you waiting for???  Go!

Here is the truth.  Seeing Oh Melvin regularly has made me sad.  The cause for all the ‘ohs’, I miss them.  I was not expecting Oh Melvin to remind me of what I can no longer hold. But when I went to change the name of the blog last weekend, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t will my hands to delete the title or add a new one!  It’s still a string that still connects me and Jake to him.  And us three to you all. And, since launching Melvin’s Project Joy this week, Oh Melvin has felt more right than it has in a few months. It’s funny how spreading some joy can heal you.

I had every intention of changing it to ‘…into my life you came’.

I do think it will eventually change. If a new dog miraculously wins Jake over in the short-term, I’ll figure out a way to jam his (or her) name into this sandwich.

I did update a few things!  The tagline and the menus, and content within the menus. So there was forward movement!  We need to claim any and all baby steps that we can!

I’ll leave you with this photo of Jake from this weekend.  Melvin used to take breaks from Jake, in the closet with the door slightly closed. Jake would eventually find him. For the record, this photo does not make sad. I’m pretty sure Jake can still see Melvin in there. He sat there for over ten minutes, it was less about looking and more about finding. In fact the more progress Jake makes, I think Melvin is guiding him. And that makes me happy.

#loveliveson #sodoesOhMelvin

I am squealing with delight to launch this!!!  It feels like a big hug with Melvin.

Each month, we will do a giveaway that celebrates the unique nature of our furry friends.  There will be monthly categories, so if you have a dog that falls into that one, you can nominate them to win. If your dog does not fit into this month’s category, do not fret, we have a pretty all-encompassing list for the entire year – like if your dog is a cat – we eventually got you covered!

When Jen (at Sirius Republic) and I started talking about how these monthly giveaways would work, we immediately agreed on the what the first month category would be.

Anxiety dogs.

Both of our lives have been forever changed by our anxiety dogs (Melvin & Jake for me, Chilly for her).  We have compared stories of desensitization, DAP diffuser and anxiety supplements and drugs.  We have shared updates on how we have missed out on events, in order to help our dogs get through. Countless successes and many failures, some frustration and many adult beverages later, that is how being a (pet) parent goes! So in honor of our anxious-love-monkeys, we kick off month one of Melvin’s Project Joy!

Here is how it works…

1. This goes beyond just a giveaway (but yes, there is of course some loot!).  Our goal is to remind each other that we are all in this crazy life together.  That through these giveaways, we can all bring empathy into play.  As you share stories of your anxiety dogs, read the stories of others.  You may nod, or have ideas of how to help.  You can message others and share ideas and stories.  Friendships will form. Support can be shared.  Joy will be spread!
2. Share you anxiety dog (your dog’s name, a photo. and the story of anxiety issues you and your dog face) on either our Facebook page containing this post, on Sirius Republic’s Facebook page when they share this post. If you are not of the Facebook world, you can email your info to ohmelvinyojake@gmail.com.  You can also post the info below in the comments, although you probably can’t share a photo on here (and that’s ok). No matter how you submit your info, you will be entered to win.
3. READ ALONG AS OTHERS POST. DON’T FORGET TO REACH OUT.
4. We will pick one female and one male winner at the end of July!

Next month, it will be a new category!

When I started the blog, I named it Oh Melvin because I said those two words SEVERAL times a day. In the beginning it was a frustrated Oh Melvin what have you done and at the end, it was a Oh Melvin, I love you bud. I gave no thought to how long I would blog or if the blog would outlive Melvin. Neither of those things felt like a concern to me at the time.

I no longer say “Oh Melvin” out loud anymore. In fact, I have not said those words since the moment we said goodbye.  When I pull up the blog each day, I wonder about two things…

1. Does oh Melvin, yo Jake feel right?
2. How in the world will I ever add other dog names to that moniker?

To start, the URL will always be ohmelvin.com.  I bought ohmelvin.com and I’m keeping it. Forever. That is always how you will get here. That URL is the soul of this blog. It is what brought us all together. Hopefully that relieves some concern.

The title of the blog probably needs to evolve though. Life has changed for us and the blog should reflect some of that shift.

I’ve been toying with two options.

1. The first is from a line in a song that I sang to Melvin every night, a song that started long before there was ever a blog: Oh Melvin, into my life you came.  In this option I would go with: “…into my life you came. The story of Melvin & Jake“.  This would then allow for dogs who follow, to be represented (I’d just keep adding names).
2. The other option I am considering is: “Love lives on. The story of Melvin & Jake.“.  If you follow us on Instagram, you know that #loveliveson is a hashtag I have been using for the last three months.  And it’s easy to add names on.

For both options, the menu heading that says “About Melvin (and Jake)’ would change to a different heading for each dog.  Oh Melvin would include the background of Melvin.  Yo Jake would be about the wonky-legged-googly-eyed-dude.  I could then add a menu button for any other dogs that find their way to us. So there would still be Oh Melvin and Yo Jake visually.

So what is your opinion?  Do you like 1 or 2?  Do you dislike either? Do you have other ideas?  Do you want it to stay Oh Melvin, Yo Jake (and if so, how do I add names to that?). Could I ask anymore questions in this paragraph?

And just a FYI, when asked, Jake suggested the blog be called: Just Jake. 

Photo credit: Kate Juliet Photography

Melvin died three months ago.  I still can’t type it without feeling some heaviness creep into my chest.

I’ve been going to therapy/grief counseling because I still have a hard time at night.  I feel a lot of anxiety and I don’t sleep all that great anymore.  We think a lot of that has to do with how terrified I was every night that he was here, after I learned of the cancer.  In the same moment I was so grateful that we’d had one more day I was also so utterly terrified that he would die during the night or the next day.  I was constantly haunted by our prognosis:  he could die at anytime. Nighttime was when I’d fall apart.  It was the worst fear and panic I’ve ever known. So it makes sense, I have to make some peace with the night hours now.  The good news is, it’s getting better.  For sure.

Everyone keeps saying, it’s ok to be mad. I know about the stages of grief, I’m not sure that everyone goes through each one.  But I can’t (or maybe it’s that I won’t?) let myself be angry.  Here’s why. In the seven years I had Melvin, he never displayed an ounce of anger. He got a lot of crappy health issues thrown at him yet that dog even wagged his nubbin one hour after having to have his tail amputated.  For me, being angry that he’s gone or that cancer found us, feels untrue to who he was to me.  He was my bright light and in grieving him, I am trying to honor that. I’m trying live by his example. Trust me, it’s not always easy. Cancer has taken too much, of that we are all certain.  But for us, his cancer was brief and he suffered very little.  I’m grateful for that.

The grief has softened, a lot. I keep it together when I talk about him now. I have been able to watch a few videos of him and remain upright (HUGE)!  And when tears come, I’m thankful for the love that brought them. Jake is doing much better also.  He did well being left alone with the dog sitter for a week. He’s doing great with his training. His separation anxiety has significantly improved. I can see his overall anxiety lessening, sometimes his new calm reminds me of Melvin.  Jake’s Jedi master taught him well.

In losing Melvin I have realized that the best way to honor someone’s memory, is to take on some of the goodness they brought to the world. It’s how love lives on. If they brought kindness, keep kindness going.  If they brought laughter, carry the funny forward. If they made you feel strong, lift someone else up.  I promise you, it helps. For us, Melvin brought joy and peace.  And I will give both back, every day I’m alive.

And since we are a forward moving bunch, in my next post I’ll share with you my thoughts on changing the name of the blog.

Photo credit: Kate Juliet Photography

I left for the beach on July 2nd.  The day before, I went and stocked up on Jake’s food.  Stella & Chewy freeze-dried raw.  I buy a variety (duck, chicken, beef and venison) and rotate after we finish each bag.

On July 3rd, I got an text that the FDA issued a recall on Stella & Chewy freeze-dried chicken. The noise that came out of me while reading that was frightening. I immediately called the dog sitter to check each bag (chicken and non-chicken) to see if we had any of the lot numbered bags.  We did.  And Jake was currently eating from it.

I felt sick with worry.  Since it was already the holiday weekend, I called The Life Center (our ER vet) to ask them what to look for.  They said ‘pretty much anything out of the ordinary could be cause for concern’.  Um, my panic level just hit defcon 5000.  As mentioned, our dog sitter was new.  Jake’s entire existence is out of the ordinary for her.  How would she ever know what is normal and what could be Listeria.  I explained (in a voice that poetically, only dogs could hear) the situation and that I would need specific things to look for.  They listed out nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stumbling (oh great, this one was not going to be easy), confusion (uh, that is Jake’s middle name).

I spoke to Tayler and we decided if anything gave her concern, she would just take Jake to TLC.  I took slight comfort in the fact that Jake is pretty iron stomached. Not that he can defend himself against Listeria but he has eaten a lot of things that should have made him sick and never did (rocks, plumbers putty, frogs, birds, bunnies).  When Monday rolled around, I called our normal vet.  Symptoms can show up 7-70 days after exposure.

What’s a few more months of worry?!

Unless attempts at bringing sexy back are a symptom, so far he’s doing OK!

I’m back from a glorious week with my family! It was sunshine, dance parties and love.

When I was planning for this vacation I knew we were facing two firsts.  I’d be leaving Jake  (without Melvin here for him) for the first time and we’d have a new dog sitter.  Our previous dog sitter, Vasha (who we love to the moon and back) transitioned to a corporate job so she is not dog sitting much these days.  It almost felt appropriate that her last time watching the boys was when Melvin was here.  She started with Melvin and ended with Melvin.  Some chapters are like that.

This vacation, our dog sitter was Tayler, the daughter of regular midday walker.  She is AMAZING!  I got texts throughout the week, she didn’t judge me when I wanted to FaceTime Jake and she left me a detailed write-up of every single day so that upon my return, I could re-live Jake’s week.  Jake’s week, as per usual, had a lot of meatball making and Little Jake escape-from-the-diaper-events. (This is life with Jake. Luckily, Tayler has a diaper dog at home so she was more than capable of handling Jake, Little Jake and the Meatball Factory).

Despite all the pee and poop, I was still left with this note…

While on vacation my five-year-old-niece asked about Melvin (she was confused when I said the dog watcher was only watching Jake).  I explained to her that Melvin had been called to heaven to be an angel (to which her response was: “so he’s dead?” — I love this part about kids, they cut through the sugar-coating and just state the facts!).  But during my conversations with her, I was touched that she even remembered Melvin and that she could recall stories of him and even share with me what she thought he was doing in Heaven (“stealing food from kid’s hands” — spot on!).

Tune in for the next post when I share a food recall that occurred while I was on vacation and the panic that momma bear went through from afar! It wasn’t pretty.

Yo, it’s Jake.  The mother up and left me this week.  I mean we ascertained (yes I know what that means) that I have abandonment issues and anxiety over losing my brother and then she thought, hey, I have a terrible idea, and she up and left for the beach for a week.

What the what?

Anyway, I guess I’ll forgive her since she left me in the care of a really cool chick.  This chick smells a lot like my midday walker, D-money.  Apparently, my servant dog-sitter this week is D-money’s daughter!  That whole family must be hard-core addicted to Jake love and kisses cause at one point this week, I had a harem!  Here I am with D-money and my two other girlfriends her two daughters.

Here is a recap of my most momentous ‘mom’s-away-lets-partay-week’.

I showed my sitter my creeper moves. She was not detoured. I love her.

I buried a bone. 

I lunged.  

I hunted a duck. In my monkey diaper.

I looked behind me. 

And I took some private time.  I mean Jake can’t entertain 24/7. This ain’t vegas. 

In between getting Melvin’s Project Joy up and running, I have not forgotten my other project, Jake. He and I saw a behaviorist Tuesday.  She was amazing. I had filled out a ten page questionnaire on-line and she read every single word.  There is something about people who prepare…I love them. We talked about a lot of things.  A lot.  When she asked me to sum up my goals I said, there is at least one, hopefully two.

1. I want to give Jake the best life he can have. I want to understand him and what he’s going through and who he is post-Melvin so that I can adjust our life and champion what it is he needs.
2. If being an only dog isn’t part of #1, I would like to figure out how to add a dog to Jake’s life.  In the past, Jake has always been added to the mix.  Now he’s the mix.

It’s interesting the things you uncover when you have the right person walking you through Jake’s life. As for his prey drive, it’s strong and there is very little that can be done about it.  She told me that there are two things the behaviorist community still has not solved – prey drive and territorial issues.  Although I wish there was a solution, it’s always better to know what you’re facing.  Reality is what reality is.  Jake will always be a hunter.

But the good news is, that doesn’t necessarily mean he has to be an only dog.  She had a lot of great insights into Jake, and his life with Melvin. In short, Melvin was Jake’s prozac.  Melvin provided Jake with safety and direction. (That makes me love and miss Melvin even more).  Jake was fine with so many things when Melvin was here and has anxiety with so many of them now that Melvin is gone.

We talked about the many reasons why Jake lunged violently at may not have liked the dogs I have introduced him to, especially once they entered our house. We talked about how a little dog who gets attacked by a big dog or a brown dog might always have fear of big or brown dogs.  How a dog’s visual (size, color and energy) can be a good thing for one dog and a wrong thing for another dog.  How just the visual can make or break what is to come next. We talked a lot about the dogs in Jake’s past.  Then we talked specifics about the dogs I had introduced him to recently.

In my dog search, the dog that is right for me does not look like Melvin. As part of my search, the dog that is right for Jake is similar to Melvin in that they are not into rough play, they are tolerant and easy going and they can be a good lead for Jake. My guess is also an older dog would work best (for both of us).

She agreed with all but one thing.  In looking back at Jake’s life, the only constant, has been a yellow lab.  A big, yellow, soft dog. A yellow lab in his first life, a yellow lab in his foster life and then in his soulmate, Melvin. While she couldn’t guarantee it, her guess was that Jake needs to see Melvin (literally) in the next dog.  A dog that looks similar to his greatest love (and loss).  The exact visual that I have been avoiding.

She pointed out, that is all Jake has ever known.  He is not a dog park dog, he does not go to doggy daycare.  He has known, big, yellow dogs. The same way that little dog who gets attacked by a big dog runs from big dogs.  Jake seeks out type of dog that has brought him companionship and joy.

It’s amazes me (and it breaks my heart a little) how two creatures who love the same thing so much, could need such different things moving forward. Is it out of the question for me to love a big, yellow dog again.  No way.  But it feels a little impossible at the moment. And that is ok, because we have some Jake homework anyway.

We are going to work on finding some dogs (that already have homes) that fit Jake’s visual comfort zone and work on getting him used to those dogs on walks and then in our backyard.  Light colored, soft dog visitors.  Desensitize him (and me) a bit.  Get his anxiety to a better, more manageable place with dogs who can come and then leave.  And in doing so, one day, we will work with a rescue group that will work with us in doing the same thing with a dog that could work for our family.

She gave me hope.  And hope is everything.

I got Melvin seven years ago. The day joy leaped into my life. I was going through his folder a few months ago and I had come across a few of the cards we got when Melvin joined the family.  I set them aside to use on his gotcha day post this year. Of course at the time, I was under the impression that he’d be here. They mean so much more to me now and they take me back to the fate filled day that Melvin became mine.

Melvin lives on in so many things.  My heart, Jake’s perseverance and our calling to help others. And now, through Melvin’s Project Joy.

We will be using Melvin’s trust fund to pay joy forward. The focus will mostly be on dogs, of the rescue variety, but we have open eyes for all animals who need us.

Our first partnership was established while Melvin was sill with me. I reached out to Jen at Sirius Republic and told her I’d like to spread joy using her products and she was in before I even said ‘hello’. (WE LOVE HER!). So over the course of the next year, Sirius Republic and Oh Melvin will have monthly giveaways where you nominate your dude or dudette and we’ll pick two winners each month (a girl and a boy, we are nothing if not equal opportunity givers).  There will be categories, we think you’ll enjoy them.  It’s not only to give stuff away, it’s to bring folks together.  Like one month, you will nominate your allergy-hot-mess-of-an-itchy-dog, and through the various nominations, you will find others who face the same challenges you do.  Friendships can form, support can be shared.  Joy can be spread. We are all in this crazy world together.

I am also working with local rescue groups to help pay adoption fees for some dogs who take longer to find homes and for foster dogs who need some medical care so they can be as healthy as possible when they move into their forever.  By pre-paying some of those things, the rescue groups can worry less, and focus more on finding the right homes. Joy heals.

Through this project, Melvin lives on.  He and I will continue to spread joy.  And that joy will in turn spread joy.  And that makes me happy. Jake likes me so much more when I’m happy.

Stay tuned to both Oh Melvin’s and Sirius Republic’s Facebook page for the first giveaway (sometime in July, we have a few other giveaways to do first)! And thank you to all who have helped in this endeavor… Jen at Sirius Republic, Grace, our awesome graphic designer, my friends and family, and especially my parents for their generous donation to Melvin’s fund after he passed away. When they asked me what they could do to help, I said ‘help me help dogs in need’ and they said ‘no problem’.

#loveliveson

Also, if you need an awesome freelance designer, reach out to Grace (you can find her here).  She’s a delight to work with and so talented!

I am terrified to fly. I saw the plane hit the Pentagon and from that moment on, flying has become something that I don’t do well. It has gotten better over the years but it’s something that I know will always be a challenge for me.

It getting better is due in part to a man, that I (somewhat) accused of having a shoe bomb on a plane.  I mean you can only go up after an incident like that.

It was after the (real) shoe bomber incident. I was on a flight and the guy next to me was fidgeting with his feet NON-STOP.  He was bent over his body doing something with his feet for A LONG TIME.  I could hear and see my own heartbeat. I got up (from my middle seat) and told the flight attendant that he was suspicious. I was 100% sure we had a situation on our hands.  This coming from the most crazy terrified person on the plane whose Valium had not fully kicked in yet. (In my defense this was RIGHT AFTER the real shoe bomber incident and I was younger and far less…brave. Today, I would just ask the person what they had going on down there).

Turns out the guy next to me with the foot issue, had poison ivy.  (This did not make me feel better, but in a different, more itchy way).  I had to sit on the plane with him for four more hours. (although they did offer him a seat away from his accuser).  He was actually pretty awesome about it. We discussed my fear and he gave me some really good advice.  Control the things you can. Have a plan for loved ones, if you have pets, always know what would happen to them if something happened to you.  Having your life in order, helps you worry less about it actually happening.

I got Max shortly after that. And I never forgot the advice.

Max had been our family dog so Max was easy, if anything happened to me, my brother would take him.  Melvin was way different.  Melvin was a lot of things when I first got him but easy was not one them.  His vet bills were astronomical.  So I immediately started a savings account for Melvin.  To be used only in the case of my death.  Even if he went to live with his Godmother, I would still be able to help take care of him and he would never be a financial burden on anyone.  They could just love him and always be able to give him the care he needed. I took control.  It really did help.

I have put money into that account every month for seven years.  During the weeks after Melvin’s diagnosis, but before his death, I started thinking about that money.  What good could we use it for?  If that money was meant to take care of Melvin in a me-less world, how could that money now take care of others, in a Melvin-less world.

The answer came very easy.  I took one look at my boy and knew that we would spend that money, helping other dogs.  Giving the gift of Joy.

Next week, I’ll tell you more! But for today, have a plan for your pets.  Make sure the person you would want to take them, can take them.  Set aside a little money for them, it really does give you some peace of mind to know they will have the care and love they need.

And remember, not everyone fidgeting with their feet on a plane, is nefarious. True story.

Here is Jake, jazz-lunging while he eats.  This photo is an attempt to make you forget how crazy I once was!

Jake is showing some signs of aggression towards other dogs. This is not necessarily new news. In the past, when I say he could be a jerk, it was more that from time to time, he gets cranky and is a little impossible for a short period of time. That always equated to him tormenting Melvin. They’d be laying peacefully, Jake would get up, walk over and try to bite Melvin’s face. Good times!  But lately, it’s different.  Lately, if he sees another dog he gets riled up and he can’t come back down.

I am not a professional, but as someone who spends a lot of time with Jake, I’m leaning towards this being one or two things.  The first is the obvious, a post-Melvin world.  I don’t know if that means that Jake has a more difficult time in situations because Melvin is not there to help or that Jake can be more difficult, because Melvin is not there. The other issue working against Jake now is his legs.  In these moments when his intensity increases, he can’t always remain upright.  And each time he falls over, he gets more frustrated and it feeds the situation.

To be clear, this is Jake with other animals.  Dogs that he encounters as well as any animal that dares to land or saunter into our yard.  With humans, Jake has become quite the opposite.  He is calm, attention loving and has been extra wonderful with the kids in our family.  Four legs, intensity.  Two legs, love bug.

We have been working with our trainer.  Jake has a prey drive that is unlike anything I have seen.  I call him Jason Bourne.  When his legs were better, and a bunny family lived in our yard, he would hunt them 24/7.  When outside, When inside.  Those bunnies haunted him.  Those bunnies made the mistake of being in our backyard when Jake was off-leash and sadly two of them didn’t make it back out of the yard.  Same goes for a bird that never saw Jake coming.  And the frogs. Those poor baby frogs. So the trainer has been helping me help him learn to refocus when he goes into hunt mode. And she is the first person I reached out to when I realized that he is now ‘other dog angry’.

Getting another dog is sort of a big deal for me.  So in addition to the trainer, we are going to see a behaviorist.  Someone who can help us understand the what and why so we can execute on the when and how. I’m super interested in hearing any and all stories of dogs whose personalities changed (for the worse) when they lost a sibling or when a disability started hindering them. You can share in the comments below or email us at ohmelvinyojake@gmail.com .

For now, the wild beast has taken to his teepee (in his camouflage diapers)  to rest up for the next hunt.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I have a (positive) stalking problem.  I follow tons of rescues and shelters and I constantly look at (and sometimes visit with the dogs they have).  I have done this for years and years and years.  It’s not that I was always looking, it’s just that you never know. Visit a shelter dog, you won’t be sorry! A lot of time I will see a dog that will be great for someone I know, and a campaign is started.

Before Melvin got sick, I was seriously considering a third dog. The parameters for that dog were that it would fit personality wise, and hopefully it would be a dog we could help (I was looking at elders). In the third dog scenario, it was easier, Melvin would be there to help me.  I’d be responsible for training and controlled chaos, and Melvin could take the lead on showing them the dog routine.  One key personality feature was always going to be, ‘don’t need/like to play’.  1. Because Melvin didn’t play.  The only living creature he ever play-bowed to was me.  And 2. Jake doesn’t play normal.  His idea of playing is face and leg biting.  Also, with all his spine issues, Jake’s not even supposed to hop off a low bench let alone roll around with another dog.

Now that I look to our future and know that eventually, the next dog will come.  I have been thinking about the differences between that third dog search versus the now second dog search.  It is different.  It feels a little complicated.

In the now second dog scenario, there is no Melvin. Where Melvin was a born leader, Jake is a born follower, and there is nothing wrong with that.  But if I bring a new dog into the house and a give a command, Jake is not going to take the lead.  He’s going to wait for the new dog to pull up and then he’ll hop into the sidecar. So I need the driver of that sidecar to be a dog that can become a good lead. Also, from a behavior standpoint…Jake with Melvin, not an issue.  Jake without Melvin, well that is a brand new world and it’s not always pretty when we are talking about other dogs. I have a good sense of dogs that would do well with Jake. I lived with one for seven years.

So obviously from this post you are sensing that I have been testing out the waters.  It’s true. Jake actually had a meet and greet with an English Bulldog named Stanley last week.  (I mean Stanley?  How perfect can a name be?)  And Stanley is an awesome dog.  He was surrendered at 4 (he’s almost five) because he couldn’t keep food or water down (most people take their dogs to the vet but his family just tied him up outside and hoped for the best).  He was taken in by a local rescue, he got palate surgery.  He is healing nicely and coming into his new life of happiness.  AWESOME DOG! Jake did great meeting him in our backyard (Jake did less great having Stanley in our house but that we could have worked with). There was a moment when I thought, maybe this is it.  But here is the reason Stanley didn’t work for us.  As Stanley is coming into joy, he is realizing how much fun playing can be.  There was a moment when Stanley was the bowling ball and Jake was the pins (all in good fun) and I suddenly realized that one day with Stanley, and Jake would be a quadriplegic. The rescue ladies agreed that Stanley was a threat to Jake’s ability to remain upright.  So we chatted and they said they would keep us in mind for any dogs that came in that might be older or less playful.

They left and I did two things.  1. I cried.  I still face painful realities about Melvin being gone.  I still want it to be Melvin and Jake and the fact is, eventually it’s going to be Jake and another dog.  That cry was healing (tears come for a reason).  Those tears turned into pride.  We’d gotten back out there. We were trying.  And that is a lot.  We will find the right, next forever.  And I have faith that dog will be a little reminder of Melvin (and that will be a good thing for everyone) and a lot of their own self.  That dog will probably also be older than four.

Until then, we stalk!

This is Stanley. He is super cool and he is going to make somebody so happy!  If you think that someone is you, he is available through On the Rebound Bulldog Rescue (VA, DC, MD).  

A friend reached out to me last week, feeling overwhelmed that her dog was getting older and asking me to remind her why it is I love old dogs so much. I assured her that the things that were overwhelming her, the arthritis, the senior blood work, the ‘what ifs’ were not the things I love about old dogs.  No one wants the physical decline to occur, but the reality is, that part happens. It happens to all of us – human and dog.

With dogs though, those physical things that happen, they come with a balance of beautiful moments and lessons.

• Old dogs live to love (and eat).  They love you, like no other creature could ever love you. As far as they are concerned, you created the sun and the sun spot they are snuggled upon. They want nothing more than to be near you. And this isn’t about them worshiping their human, it’s about love in the purest form.  So many of our (human) relationships are conditional, or memory gets in the way.  With old dogs, the love they feel is here and now.  You screwed up yesterday?  They don’t recall that.  Work is gonna be stressful this week? They will be waiting for you to get home so they can love you some more!! They are forever in the present.
• Sure, they slow down, but that’s a reminder that you should too. Time spirals out of control most days, old dogs just have it right. Linger, saunter slowly down the sidewalk.  Glance up at the sky.  Forget where you are headed. Lay down mid walk,  Life is happening in that very moment, don’t miss a single, glorious minute.
• Bumps show up on their skin and their muzzles turn gray, they don’t care.  They don’t fret about the aging process, they only care that there is love in your eyes.  That you snuggle with them. That food shows up as often as possible.  They keep it simple.
• Arthritis kicks in, it’s hard to watch, but then you realize, they don’t complain. They adjust. They don’t wish they were a puppy again.  They live for right now. For you, sitting there next to them. Watch the joy an old dog experiences when you get down on the floor with them!  And even through creaky bones and joints, THEY WILL CHASE THAT BALL.  Because they love chasing that ball and old dogs do the things they love. Oh the lessons they teach!
• They nap more often and I can tell you with absolute certainty that watching an old dog nap is a beautiful thing. They have faith in what you have surrounded them with. Their home, their bed, their family.
• Their eyes may cloud up, but they have never seen the real you more clearly. Their eyes have seen the best and worst of you and those eyes have never judged. The things they can communicate with just a single glance can heal you in ways you never imagined.
• Their hearing goes, and they don’t always listen.  Hey, when we are 90 years old, are the rules really what we are going to concern ourselves with?  But have no fear, even deaf dogs can hear the treat jar open. You cannot help but laugh.
• They have accidents. But in that moment when you say ‘it’s ok’ and you clean it up, they will give you their heart.

Pure. True. Love.

Old dogs have life figured out.  I truly believe if they could talk, the world would heal. When life is swirling all about, they remain grounded and true. They will take only what you can give. Nothing is too much or too little.  They live only for right now, with you.

Go hug a senior dog, go run, do it!

Some of the seniors I have been honored to love!  Beauty, rescued at 11!   Max, teaching the ‘take a load off’ move. 

Mollie-Anne rescued from death row and lived until the glorious age of 15!

And these two knuckle-heads, both seniors! 

Of course, he may be my favorite of all the old guys. 

When I bought my first house, the hardwoods were not hardwoods and they were light.  Max’s hair showed up everywhere.  So when I got around to putting in real hardwoods, I put in wide, dark planks.  For a year, Max’s hair blended in perfectly.

Then Melvin arrived.  Oh well, visual hair there would be.

In this house, because Melvin was (I so effortlessly typed ‘is’ there — still working on typing ‘was’) allergic to everything, hardwoods were the best option.  Carpet traps all the things that made him itch.  So pretty much the entire house is hardwood. (Medium color — some lessons I do learn!).

Then came Jake. Still all good.  Then came Jake’s leg’s issue and hardwood is now his worst enemy.  He will stand on the edge of an area rug and panic comes over him.  It’s like a child on the edge of a swimming pool.  He steps onto the hardwood an SPLAT.  Then he swims just trying to get to the next rug.

I love Jake, but I am not having the whole house carpeted.  While we were at the beach, I did notice that he walked better on tile.  The tile was a rougher texture and he was able to gain some traction on it.  That MAY be an option.  But for now, I’m going with ‘plan leap-frog’.  I put carpet squares all over the house, in between the main rugs so that he can leap onto his lily pads.

Since you all know that I have decorating ADD, I look at those carpet squares and my first inclination is to pick them up/keep things tidy.  But then I have to say ‘No, those are for Jake.  You love Jake.  You love Jake more than you love decorating, right? Right?!  Yes, yes, of course.’

We have also tried: traction socks (they don’t stay on), traction socks with vet taped wrapped around them (they don’t stay on), toenail grips (they don’t stay on), paw pad traction stickers (you guessed it, THEY DON’T STAY ON).

If you have any ideas (beyond making him play Frogger), let me know!

From the time I got Melvin to the time I lost him, he was pretty much the same dog.  He was exuberant, loving, snuggly and happy.  He was soulful.  As he aged, the exuberance softened (he’d no longer knock you over to get to you) and the soulful side of him expanded exponentially.  He grew into himself, gradually.

Life for Jake has been a little different.  Where I got Melvin at three, I got Jake at five.  When Jake came to me he was confused, docile, there wasn’t much light in his eyes.  It took him a while to warm up to us.  At times, he was downright mean to Melvin. But eventually, he became a loving member of our family.  Eager to be around us, less eager to please.  Then his legs started failing him and he got a bit frustrated, mean Jake returned.  But we persevered through that and he found his new ground. Then he fell madly in love with all things Melvin and he softened up.  They snuggled, and kissed and Jake followed his hero around like a sweet little sidekick.  Then we lost Melvin and Jake retreated, he went back to being Hans solo Jake.  He was wounded, lost.

And now he is found agin.

Where Melvin’s life was smoother, even despite all his health issues, Jake’s journey has been a bit more topsy-turvy. But something tells me that the Jake I am getting to know right now, is the true Jake.  The on-his-own Jake.  Not a follower, not a leader, just Jake. While Melvin lived to be near me, Jake moderately enjoys time spent with me, but he also needs his alone time (hey I get it, I’m the same way!).  He spends much more time with me during the day now, but at some point in the afternoon, he heads into the room with the sun and sun spots for a while.

When I call Jake’s name, he will lift his head up every time, so I know he hears me. But he only comes when called, some of the time. There is no real rhyme or reason to when he answers my call.  Because that is who he is.  Sometimes he seeks to please me, sometimes he focuses on what Jake wants.  And that is ok. I like this new Jake.  Part of him helps get me through the missing of Melvin and part of him is a stern reminder that he is his own dog.

“I’ll come when I want to come”. 

It’s just Jake and I right now.  It’s still hard to type that.  We miss Melvin a lot.  But if it has to be this way, I’m happy for this time with Jake.  This is likely the first time in his life he has had a human all to himself.  I’m like his lady in waiting. We are very much just living in the moment, not too many plans, we look back every once in a while and there are more smiles than tears.  Just existing as a little family of two.  It won’t always be this way, so we are enjoying what we have, while we have it.

Living in the right now, it’s a good way to be.

“Get me a snack woman”.

Vacation was wonderful, it was exactly what we needed.  Jake loved every minute of being at the beach house.  It was relaxing and the weather was perfect.

There were two big hurdles that Jake and I overcame on this trip.

1. Jake took his first car ride without Melvin.  The trip down there did not go well.  Jake hyperventilated for five hours straight and I had to make two calls to our vet.  I honestly thought we were going to have to find an emergency vet along the way.  He eventually calmed down and fell asleep but the whole drive I just kept thinking, he’d have been totally fine if Melvin had been in the backseat with him.  But as it was, Jake had to get through that journey, and he did.  And on the way home, he slept the whole way!  He found his braves and I’m so proud of him.
2. As for me, this was the first time returning from the beach (in as far as I can recall), that Melvin was not at home waiting for me.  The whole drive home I would anticipate seeing him, even though I knew he wasn’t here. It’s funny how extreme hope can almost alter reality. Just like Jake, I had to conquer that part of our trip.

We got through.

On the drive home, I thought a lot about the current state of the void in our lives right now.  Not just missing Melvin, but missing the love (received and given). It would be easy to get another dog right this very minute, just to get back on the love track.  But the truth of the truth is, I still just want Melvin.  I don’t want a new dog, I want my dog.  And I’m not angry or sad about that (Ok I’m a little sad), I just sorta matter-of-factly, don’t see another dog here right now. And I know wholeheartedly that will change, probably in an instant.  And I’m excited for that day to come. But I am equally happy to sit in the warmth of my Melvin memories and to see Jake through his first weeks of being an only dog. He is really coming into his new self, seeking affection, learning to listen, becoming brave!  It’s enough to enjoy that part right now.

And just in case that last paragraph made anyone sad, let me take this moment to make you laugh.  While at the beach, I was kneeling down to change Jake’s diaper.  I was behind him, leaning over to be sure that little Jake was tucked in when all of a sudden, he farted…towards my open mouth!  There were witnesses.  It’s was pretty grossly epic. Ahhhhh, life with Jake!

GOING TO THE BEACH: Getting ready to hyperventilate Jake. (this photo was taken right after I carried him to the car and he proceeded to poop on me).  Good times! 

RETURNING FROM THE BEACH: ‘Totally got this’ Jake! My brave boy!