A day in the life.

That clock thing is going off.  Why does it go off and come back on again so many times each morning? Did she FINALLY just say ‘good morning’? I must run over to her and shake my whole body to let her know how excited I am to greet this glorious day!  Oops, fell down several steps in an effort to beat Her to the mudroom for our walk!  Ahhhhh, the great outdoors!  Sniff. Pee. Sniff some more.  Walk. Walk. Walk!  Breakfast!  It only takes me 14 seconds to eat it!  Now I shall gulp some water.  She tells me not to gulp but I do it anyway cause I’m the boss… whoa, just threw up from gulping.  She is so nice to clean it up.  Huh, ‘told me so’ what?.  Nap time. Oh no, she is packing up that bag thing.  She has to leave me to go to work (I don’t know what work is but she goes there a lot of days).  I’m sad, oh wait, Kong!!! Who’s sad?  Not me! Patrol front windows to make sure no one is planning to walk within a 50 foot perimeter of our house. I’ll go upstairs now and get into our Her bed.  I’m not sure why she puts those fluffy things at the top every morning, I prefer them in them in a heap toward the middle.   I fix fluffy thing situation for Her.  I’m exhausted from re-making the bed. Nap. Ear up, what’s that?  The garage door is opening! Yipppppeeee!  I jump from my her bed, I think i just scratched the floor when I skidded over it, it looks better with scratches. I take the steps four-at-a-time (She says we need a carpet runner but I’m a runner! look at me go!) I’m at the door before it opens! Dog walker comes on days when She goes to work (does everyone work?). Twenty glorious minutes of following the lunch truck around the hood.  I’d like to eat that truck.  Kong after walk!  I love eating.  I wonder if there is a work for eating.  Thirsty.  Drink lots-o-water and then I step in something wet.  I look down next to my bowl and wonder how all that water got on the floor.  Maybe we have a leak. Bed or couch?  Better do couch, the Brown Truck Man will be coming soon and I want to be sure he knows how vicious I am when he drops stuff off at the front door.Why does She put those fluffy things at the end of the couch when She knows that is where I like to lay?  Do I have to do everything?  Brown Truck Man!  Get outta my way stupid fluffy thing!  I’m running, I’m running and yes there he is!  “Hey you” I bark but he ignores me so I jump up and scratch the office window with my front paws. Yeah, that’s right, you see me now don’t you!  Ha!  Totally scared him off.  Wait. What did She tell me about this window?  Something about me not being able to afford it if it broke. It’s a crappy window anyway, I can barely see out of it, what is all over it?  Slobber?  Gross.  Back to the couch. I think I’ll lick my paw for a while.  Oh, huge wet spot on couch from the paw licking, better move.  Get out of my way stupid fluffy thing! How many stupid fluffy things do we need?! I’ll just put all four stupid fluffy things on the floor.  Much better. Nap.  What was that?  Is that a little person?  Ouch, ran into dining room window.  Why isn’t there carpet in here to slow me down?  Oh, little person!  Let me bark and moan so you will see me!  Why aren’t they seeing me.  Run into office, window still blurry from the slobber, when is She going to clean this thing!!  Back to dining room.  COME BACK LITTLE PEOPLE, I WANT TO PLAY!.  Hey, how did the foyer carpet get all jumbled up?  I’m hungry. Nap.  It’s dark. She’s home!  I know she says no jumping but I gotta jump man!  There she is!  If I block Her in will She stop and pet me?  She is sitting on the floor to see me!  It’s all about me!  I’m the best dog ever!  Walk, yippeeeee!  So hungry. Ate dinner in 12 seconds, a new record.  Why did she just pick my water up mid-gulping?  Pfffft.  Ah, couch time with her. Nap. Walk!  Bedtime!  What do you mean I can’t sleep in the big bed?

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