Message from Melvin: I’m perfect.

I’m the best dog in the whole world.  I have no bad habits and all dogs should be just like me.  Why She can’t see this is a bit of a mystery to me.  I mean, I live with Her.  She sees first hand how completely wonderfully awesome I am.

When someone walks by the front windows I do one of two things, I bark to scare them away or I bark to say hello. These are very different barks.  I guess I can sorta see why She would not be sure which bark I’m using since She isn’t very good at barking and thus does not understand the complex bark styles in my wep-o-twa.. Often, when I’m running for the front of the house to determine which bark I need to use, she will say something like ‘do you want me to squirt you?’.  What does that mean?  I don’t understand words, all I hear is blah, blah, blah  but I do know that most times after saying those funny sounding noises she will get a squirting machine out. She knows I hate being wet.  No, really, you don’t understand.  If even one drop of water gets on me I want to cry like a baby move so that it does not happen again. I’ll let my bladder burst before going out in the rain. Anyway, lately I’ve been rethinking my barking and you know what, on times when I don’t get up and bark, she gives me treats!  What the…?  Who knew this was even an option.  Eating is almost always better than barking.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though I’m the most-perfect dog in the whole wide world and even though my barking is like sweet music to so many ears, sometimes I have to hold back and not bark so I can get me some treats. Humans are so weird.

PS.  She’s trying to kick me out of the big bed again.  She’s so funny.  Here is where she found me just this morning after she used the noisy hair fan, in MY bed.  Of course this is after I pushed the stupid fluffy things off of my spot and onto the floor.

4 thoughts on “Message from Melvin: I’m perfect.

  1. You sound just like my Litchi – she loves to bark and is equally terrified of any form of water (in fact, she tries to stand as far away as possible from her water bowl when drinking – rather hilarious to watch). Of course you are the perfect dog – bipeds just don’t understand.

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