The one.

I never thought I’d love another dog as much as I loved Max.  I thought, he’s ‘the one‘.  The one that will always own my heart.  Then came Melvin. Never have I  been through so much with a dog. His joyful existence and soulful ways, they stole me.

He’s the one.  I mean I can’t imagine I could love another dog the way I love him.  He has taught me a love I didn’t know before.

Then I look at Jake.

I think all along I’ve had this whole thing wrong. The one may not be the dog.

The one, may be the Love.

It’s where you put your heart’s load. It’s the bond that you can’t imagine being without.  And that love, is supposed to move and grow and leap.  It doesn’t take away from those that came before, in fact I think it represents them, it carries them on.

Six years ago, although I didn’t realize it, it likely went a little like this in my heart: Melvin, this love I’m giving you is Max love, it’s crazy powerful and happiness inducing and well I can’t NOT give it to you because well the universe took Max but gave me you and this love, this love needs to go on and you deserve this love, you have left your own mark on this love. This love, it’s yours now. It always was, it always will be.

And I probably did the same thing unknowingly last year, with Jake.

You have a dog and you love them and you give them your love and they are meant to feel it, to fuel it, to nurture it, to own it and then, in a way, to give it back to you as they go. I can say with absolute certainty that in my last moments with Max, he communicated two things to me with a single glance.  I know you love me and I need you to love this way again.

That one love, is infinite.

I’m not sure what inspired me to write this post.  I think a little of it is that Melvin is turning nine this weekend and I have started accepting that the lighter color fur on his face, is in fact gray.  I think it’s also because, when I look and Melvin and then to Jake, my heart is full.  And when I think of Max, the love is there still.  How lucky are all of us that THE LOVE goes on!

35 thoughts on “The one.

  1. Exactly. It’s like the first dog teaches us how to love- expands our hearts- and every dog after gets the benefit of that ability to love completely. And as a new parent, my baby boy doesn’t make me love my dog less- if anything I love her MORE. For her kindness and gentleness towards the baby and her patience toward her parents. It makes me realize that she is a gift.

  2. Well. I made it through this post without crying. Ok, almost, but the entire time I was reading, I was thinking, “Yes! Yes! This is me and Ray and Julius, too!” As ever, our lives and loves of our dogs is so eerily similar.

  3. This is lovely.

    In a way, I feel like this about my foster dogs, too. One leaves and it may be hard, but that love is still there and carries on to the next one, because they need me more.

    My own dogs, I love them all, though really, I think there is a different love for each of them, and a different love again for the fosters. Maybe it’s different when you have many dogs instead of one or two, and dogs are cycling in and out of your house at such a rapid pace.

    I know, for me, I can identify my “heart dog” among the group. And with her it is a different, steady love, that comes from taking a journey together. Even the thought of losing her makes me sick to my stomach but I know some day that “one love” will be given to another.

    My husband, who is not so involved with the dogs as I am, had one dog that was truly “his.” And she happened to be a hospice foster that was only with us for six months. I don’t think he’s found another dog to give that same love to and that has been a strange and heartbreaking process for me to watch, particularly since that dog only had eyes for him and didn’t care much for me. But I think he’s found a way to stretch that love to our fosters for now, and maybe expand the love for our own dogs a little bit.

    I’m probably not making sense but… this post sure brought out a lot of emotions. Beautifully written and very thought provoking. Regardless of the specifics, it is all about the love.

  4. This post has been open on my computer for most of the day. I was having a hard time finding a free minute to read it. I’m so thankful that when I finally “did” find the time….I was alone. It’s really embarrassing to cry in front of coworkers (and then try to explain that you are shedding tears for someone you don’t technically know in real life…oh, and I’m also crying because of her dogs).

    Of all the posts out there in the blogosphere…I can relate to this one the most!

    • Let’s just say we know each other already! If I ever met you, or saw you on the street and knew it was you, I’d run up and hug you! Love that there has been so much relating on this, it means we love lots!!!

  5. OK, that brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly what you’re saying. I tell myself all the time I can’t possibly love any dog more than I do Boomer and Dottie and deep down I know it’s not true. Each dog is special and holds a place in our hearts, it’s the love, the bond, the memories of times spent together, that’s what we’re feeling.

  6. Pingback: Full Hearts | Tails of a Foster Mom

  7. A little late on this one (playing catch up on vacation!) but just…..Yes. Totally. It is this. Thanks for writing!

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