Winter has finally arrived here! I love winter. For the first time since last year, I got winter coats out. Today, I was out and about and put my hands into my first-worn-coat pockets. My walk came to a stop and joy washed over me. One pocket was full of Melvin’s hypoallergenic treats. In the other pocket were two rolls of poop bags.
Insert beautiful sigh and smile here. These are the moments when I know he’s here.
I have rounded a corner with my grief. I don’t know when it happened. I had anticipated Christmas being hard, the same way I anticipate the one year anniversary of his death being difficult. But since the new year, the grief has lessened its gravitational pull on me. Melvin simplified my life. His existence was almost spiritual to me. It calmed me. It helped me to breathe deeply. He grounded me. And over the past few weeks, as my grief has shifted, I’ve felt a return to that simplicity. I feel Melvin guiding me, back to my happy place.
I still cry now and then, i don’t think that will ever change. I proudly own my grief. I lost something incredibly important to me. Never apologize for learning to live after great loss. But the tears do not sting the way they used to. And 100% of the time, they are wiped away by a memory that makes me laugh. Healing has a way of silently taking over.
Keep chasing joy.
I’ve been going through my tens of thousands photos and videos. I have avoided Melvin visuals for long enough now. I go through them slowly, there is no need to binge watch memories, they deserve a slow waltz. The timing must be right because I’m loving every moment of the dance down memory lane. It’s not just joyful to see Melvin, it’s a reminder that all those bits and pieces make up the whole of my life and I’m really honored I get to keep going on this journey for, with and because of Melvin.
Say it with me — love lives on!