March on.

One year ago today, the day after Melvin’s birthday, I took Melvin for a ultrasound at a specialist and heard the words ‘I have terrible news, I’m so sorry’ followed by, ‘…probably only days’, when I asked how long he had.

The days that followed were the some of the most impossible moments I have known. Those weeks when the prognosis was ‘any moment’, I was grasping at time, and love and air… I never knew how dark the night could be. I spun, out of control. I was afraid to leave him. I tried so hard to hold onto him and love him.

The knowledge of pending death is confusing and overwhelming and terrible and sad and you are forced into mourning, before the death even occurs.  One year ago, we weren’t given good news, much time, or any treatment options. But we were given love. So much joyful love. And that love is everything and trumps anything and everything we weren’t given. Seriously people, there are no guarantees.  We suggest love. Love is a solid plan.  Seek love, give love, love love.  Create reasons for others to love, high five love, shower in love. Let love own you and guide you and let it light up all the darkness.

Love can get help you through. Love can heal you. Love lives on.

Melvin was diagnosed a year ago – Jake was diagnosed 19 days ago. 8,328 hours separate the words ‘he has cancer’ between them.  Brothers in life. Brothers in death. Brothers in cancer.  These two have an odd sense of timing and really take their bond to the extreme!

Thankfully, last March does not define all the others. It does not represent this March.  Even though we are embarking on a cancer journey at the same time this year, we have opportunities we did not have last year.  Last March is over.  This March has just begun.

“Hey, psssst, lets get cancer one year apart.” “Ok, sounds fun!”IMG_9840

12 thoughts on “March on.

  1. I remember that post….its been a long tough year for the both of us. It will be one year ago on Saturday that I lost my DannyBoy, I can’t believe it’s been a year since there are days that it feels like yesterday! We started a new journey with another dog in December although he will NEVER take the place of my Danny it has helped with the pain (mainly because after chasing a 4 month old puppy around all day I have no energy left to think let alone feel anything). I’m so sorry that you have to go through all this stuff with Jake and I wish there was some way I could help. Just so you know I will always listen if you need to talk. Give Jake a kiss and hug from me and the dogs. We love you guys! God Bless

  2. They really hate to give us a break, don’t they! I lost my Pumpkin one week and got news the next that my Babygirl was pretty sick. We’ll give her everything for as long as she has but oh……. You’re a great mom and Jake will give you all he’s got. Good luck on your journey.

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