There has been so much talk this week about how horrible 2016 was and how folks want to bring on 2017. I get it.
For me, I have been wanting to linger in 2016 just a little longer. Sure, it had some really terrible moments. But for me, it’s a year that Jake was here. He was here for over half the year and even though we battled cancer and infection for most of those six plus months, he was here, and that makes it the best, worst year. There was Jakey joy.
Grief and the passage of time are brutal. I have been fighting moving out of 2016 because I don’t want Jake to be ‘last year’. I don’t want the six month anniversary of his death to come. I don’t want any of the other milestones to come. On the flip side, when they say ‘it takes time’ to get through grief, it’s so true. I am far better off today than I was on July 18th. Time will continue to heal.
Today into tomorrow is pretty much the same as yesterday into today. I don’t want to miss too much in the here and now. When tomorrow comes, I will carry all the moments of the past year with me, just as I do all the other years.
Thank you 2016, for all the glorious memories I had with my family and friends. Thank you for the beautiful time with Jake. For all the love, the moments I could fully focus on him, knowing his end was near. Thank you for giving me six months with him and not five or four. Thank you for giving us options to make him comfortable. Thank you for seeing me through the darkest days of grief. For my family and friends and this blog community who nudged me forward with love and support. Thank you for bringing me Doug. He has given me a new purpose, it’s a different purpose for sure but I know he has helped me move forward. I love him, this year gave me that. This year was lovely and brutal and amazing and soul crushing. This year is what I got, and since I can’t change anything about it, I can only celebrate that I was here to feel all that it threw my way. I celebrate that we did our best!
I’m going to enjoy today. Then, I will enjoy tomorrow.
Happy New Year! We hope you find your joy!
The first and last photos of 2016. The perfect bookends for this glorious chapter.