Doug is confined to the first floor for at least three months. I slept with him downstairs for a few nights but now I lay with him until he falls asleep, then I go upstairs.
I go upstairs so I can get some real rest. But for some reason
(the reason is that I’m cray), I don’t sleep all that much. I watch Doug on camera. I let him sleep in the donut which is about 80% good at keeping him from licking his leg but 100% good at him sleeping more soundly. Still, I watch the camera throughout the night to be sure he does not lick, or get his leg stuck in the pen, or anything else I can make up that will probably never happen. Yet still, I watch.
Last week, I dozed off while watching the camera. I was awoken to the noise of Doug repositioning and having a hard time of it. I lifted my head to see what the noises were about and, I SAW A PERSON WALKING OUT OF THE MUDROOM – AT 3AM!
There are a lot of things that could have happened at this point. I mean until you are faced with an intruder, who knows what the response will be. Here is what I did. (The real F word will be replaced with more family friendly F words for this recap of events):
I leapt from my bed screaming, GET THE FUDGE AWAY FROM MY DOG YOU FORKER! I WILL FRIENDING KILL YOU, YOU MOTHER FINGER! I WILL FROGGING CUT YOUR THROAT! WHERE ARE YOU FRITO-NUT??!
I went tearing down the steps, screaming the above. I could feel veins in my head popping and there was no oxygen.
I would like to add here that I’m against violence. I cannot watch movies with even mild violent content. But if you are a person (or a bug) going towards my dogs with bad intention, I will frosting cut you.
Once I got downstairs, no one was there.
The alarm was still on and all the sensors were good, none of them had been tripped. I checked the security video from the other rooms, nothing. For a brief minute I thought maybe the video from the cameras was on a loop to fool me. WHO THE HELL DID I THINK WAS BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE? JASON BOURNE?
Doug was not sure what was happening but it made him wiggle with delight. Party at 3am!
Exhaustion got the best of me. I imagined I saw someone in the house because the video was rendering when I looked at it. After a quick sit on the couch to allow the heart attack to fully play out, and a few minutes pondering why I didn’t bring as much as a shoe downstairs as a weapon (what was my plan on this one???) I went back up to bed and tried to pretend I was normal. In my defense (who am I kidding), I’m not used to the dogs sleeping downstairs. They have always been upstairs with me. Also, (now I’m really reaching) when we are out in public, some people are a little too interested in Doug. We have been to adoption events where people follow us and I try to explain to them that Doug is not an adoptable. One even asked if I could take their number in case he ever is. (Wait, what??). So at this moment in Crazytown, I assumed someone had followed us home. Even though Doug had not been off our property for over a week.
ninja sleep deprived mom.
Maybe I paid someone to jailbreak me. Ever think of that? You ruin everything, mother.