Heyyyyyyyy my people! I’m out of jail and living the good life!
Where to start?…
So a few (dog) years ago she got all I’m the boss of you and now I’m going to kidnap you in your own house and put you in this jail cell and oh wait some stranger is going to cut your leg open and its going to hurt and you won’t be able to walk or run or jump or be a dog and the moment its healed he’s going to cut the other leg open and you will live a life of de ja vu and I’m still the boss of you and you will like it and I’ll keep a leash on you at all times and no running and stay still and sleep down here alone and seriously no running, not even thoughts of running including but not limited to memories of running!
She’s the worst. Well at least for this part of the update she’s the worst. Don’t even try to disagree with me unless your mother is also addicted to having surgery done on you. No one? Thought so.
I mean sure, she came in the jail cell with me. And fine, she made me some pretty incredible treats. And there were all those times she took me to Peanut Butter City and hello, that place is heaven on earth! They have Beckys there. I mean you gotta get you own Becky cause I got my Becky but there is also a Becky there named Jessie that I really liked too, anywhooooo, yeah,
Smother is ok I guess.
Also, I graduated from rehab! But she promises we can still go back and visit my harem.
Where was I? Oh, right, I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Like she always says, forward is the best direction. So forwards is where I go. Does it count if your forwards is a really fast zoomie circle?
The leg scars make me look incredibly rugged. I can tell the ladies love it. She dressed me up as something called Franken(leg)weenie for Halloween and she drew some lines on me that look like more scars and then she found out that stuff does not wash off easily so now it looks like faded tattoos and I’m not gonna lie, I like it. A lot. I look like a damn badass.
She says I’m not really a bad ass because I’m afraid of wind. She’s dumb.
Also, I love blankets now. And not just as a snack!
So… I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE!
She keeps trying to introduce me to dogs (and Jake keeps whispering to me in my sleep that I should not, under any circumstance, fall for it or allow it). Who should I listen to?
Gotta run, she just went upstairs so its time to eat another shoe!
Doug! Amazing post. You are hilarious!! 😘
He sends his thanks! And agreement.
Teddy says he can very much related except that he has a Tony instead of a Becky 💞
Love is love! 🙂
I love that dog more and more with each post. Listen to your mum Doug! She knows what’s good for you.
He loves you more with every comment! 🙂
Congrats to you both!!!!! Love the graduation picture…doug gets cuter and cuter! Hope you both enjoy your new found freedom!
It has been amazing so far! He deserves to be a dog!
“Smother” is ok 👌 I guess, 😂lol
With inmates, you learn to accept that in their mind, you are the problem and the solution.
Congrats on achieving your freedom!!! 🙂 That graduation pic? Slayed me!!! Now, Doug, take it easy on your mom from here on out, OK, buddy?
Every time he goes out back I make sure my keys and purse are close by. I’m clearly always in 911 mode!
Congratulations on getting out of jail! You certainly have a way with words Doug, and the scars? Real or not, chicks dig ’em so make the most of it 😉