If you follow us on Instagram (@dougholupka@for.president) you know that Doug has some fears. Public enemy #1 is the shiny tile on the fire-place. If a drop of the best food he has ever eaten rolls onto that tile, he will let that morsel go. He might stare it down, but there is zero chance he would risk life or limb to break the voodoo barrier of the shiny tile.

The shiny tile fear transitions to most floors that are not hardwood or carpet. The floor at the vet, scary. The floor at Home Depot, he calls it Terror Depot. The floor at all the pet stores we love – no thank you, love Doug.

I accept Doug as he is and I’m just glad that for the most part we can avoid shiny floors. And that he is only 50lbs so I can carry him when he refuses to move.

Doug also doesn’t enjoy movement that causes noise. This does not include toy noise/squeaking (but secretly I wish it did).  Like if a ball rolls under the table with the acrylic chairs, and he bumps into a chair and it makes various noises, he’s gonna go with, see you later ball. If his tags are going to hit the metal part of the island’s stools, so long treat that rolled under there.

But last week, he took fear to a whole new level.

I was in the office and he started with his fear bark. Which sounds more like a smokers cough.

I never know right away what he is afraid of. Like legit, never.

But I do care, so I risk my own life, to fix whatever problem his fear has created.

But this one had me stumped. He loves that rug. He pretty much loves everything about the kitchen (except the island bar stools), so what could it have been?

I’ll tell you what.

It is clearly very hard to say ‘menacing’ when you are laughing so hard inside.

FU Koala Bears on a cereal box!

Be careful out there folks.  Danger is lurking everywhere.