I thought for certain when I got the belly aches and abnormal blood tests that She would give whats-his-name back to whoever dumped him here.  But no.  My butt stings from constant pooping and that dude is still here.

Is he terrible?  No.  She puts him in jail during the day, so I’m pretty sure he knows this house is mine.  He can have the mudroom, I have the couch and the big bed!  He’s also tied to the table (She told me not to type that because it sounds bad but isn’t) but it’s true.  I can run and bark at brown truck man and the little dude just sits there, close to the table, cause he has too.  HA HA!

I’m bigger than him but I don’t think he knows that.  I’m most definitely not faster than he is but I look much more handsome and distinguished when running and that is much more important than speed.  Also, he keeps ramming my butt with his head and I’m like ‘stop that, it’s gross, don’t be creepy”.

He’s a noisy SOB.  At first I thought he was always growling at me and I was like ‘no you diyant just growl at me’ but then I realized that his face is all messed up like it got smashed into a brick wall so he makes a lot of snorty noises.  And boy does he snore. Dear Santa, me needs some noise canceling headphones.

We are not friends but we are not enemies either.  She is mine and he seems to think She is his so I think that is where our biggest challenge lies. OK fine, I heard her say that so I repeated it.

All I know is that treats have increased while he’s been here as have the phrases “good dogs”, “be nice”, “make good decisions”  and “stop that”.  Whatevs, we’ll see.  I know fer sure that I ain’t going nowhere.