When he first came, I felt like I was being punished. I mean me, Melvin-man, punished? For what? Being so awesome? Let’s be honest, he’s an odd little dude and it has taken some getting used to.
He’s little. He’s like a toy, and instead of a squeaking noise, he grunts and snores. It’s hardly adorable. I’m fairly used to his noises now and usually I can avoid stepping on him when we are running towards the door or in close proximity. I mean, little is fine, whatevs.
He has odd bursts of energy. When we get up, he busts out of his box-bed like he’s a greyhound behind a race gate. I mean where is he going? The bedroom door is shut dude, you’re gonna hit the wall every time.
He doesn’t listen. She calls his various names a lot. I think her hands hurt from making snapsy noises to get his attention during the day. Who knows, maybe he is paying attention to her, with those eyes, no one can tell. I don’t look into those eyes, he may be my brother but that doesn’t mean he can’t also be into voodoo. The two are not mutually exclusive. Zombies are not cute, count me out of being hypnotized by his googly eyes. (Hey, that rhymed I’m so poetic).
A couple of times dude tried to fight me (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, can you imagine?). He got his googly eyes all in a bunch over my empty Kong. That kid has an odd sense of reason. Anyway, he leapt at my face (uh news flash genius, you can barely get on the couch, how you gonna reach my face?). I looked at Her and She seemed to hope I’d take the up high road (that road always seems far) so I just moved my handsome face away from his attack and She was able to get him off of me. That only happened a few times, each time over an empty Kong (clearly he doesn’t get smarter with age). But for the past few months, it’s been fine. What? You want me to knock on wood? Is that code for eat more?
Every time I wake up he’s sitting with his arse in my face. Why people, why?
The other day he leapt off the couch towards the window after a bird that was flying by. He was inside. The bird was obviously outside. Oh yeah, we’re keeping him, that dude is funny and me likes to laugh.