I think my butt gettin big: A story by Jake.

Yo.  It’s Jake.  Stuff’s going cray over here.  First off, wetness falls from me, pretty much all the time.  Am I a sprinkler now?  All I know is I walk, and turn back and there is liquid.  I sleep, and when I wake up, it’s like I’m in a stinky hot tub. Thankfully, She really enjoys cleaning so it’s almost like I’m giving her a gift.

Also, and this is really weird, but I think my butt is getting too big.  I mean, that must be it.  It’s getting too big and my legs can’t hold it up so they fall down.  I mean I have eyes that can see my backside, even when my face is forward and although it doesn’t look any bigger, what else could make my legs fall except for a heavy boo-tay.  I know my name is Jake, but maybe it should be J-Lo.  Baby got back.

When my legs fall down, my giant butt hits the ground.  Sometimes my legs go backwards and my stomach hits.  None of it is good folks, I look like I’m drunk.  I mean thank goodness the paparazzi has not caught it on camera, YET.  I only dressed up like Snooki for Halloween, that is not really who I am.

When I wake up, sometimes my back legs don’t feel like walking.  Maybe they are tired of holding up my big butt or maybe they are afraid that my butt got bigger while I slept.  I either swim on the hard floor or she carries me.  She must be so strong.

She took me to an all day doctor, I ain’t falling for that one again.  They did all kinds of stuff to me.  They did so much stuff that I must have fallen asleep.  Apparently, some sort of hazing occurred while I was napping because I woke up with a shaved head, leg and stomach.  I’m a punk bulldog, I don’t do fraternities.  Why on earth would they haze me or shave my precious body?  Those areas itch now, thanks jerks.

So that’s what’s up with me.  I create wetness and my butt is so big it broke my legs.  One good thing is that my brother apparently likes sprinklers with broken gams cause he is all up in my love junk trunk.  He’s so cool.  And no matter what, my ass could never be as big as his, so that makes me feel better and love him even more.

Happy Tuesday readers.  J(ake)-Lo out.

Gratuitous booty shot:1 14 14

13 thoughts on “I think my butt gettin big: A story by Jake.

    • We go for our follow up next week – he’s not better but he’s not worse! My guess (based solely on what they told me at our testing appt) is that we are likely looking at spinal cord scarring and that this is our new wonky way of life! Looking forward to the appt to see what therapies we can try to slow down any progression.

  1. Jake, Jake, Jake. It is so good that you can laugh while all those around you (meaning She) are pulling muscles as they pick you up and carry you around and possibly developing rashes from the rubber gloves needed to clean up . . . well, you know. On a more serious note, my late canine sister Lexi had acupuncture when she couldn’t move her front legs (she was completely cured) and I had laser therapy on my bum (dysplasia) elbow and haven’t had a problem since. Just thought your mom might want to ask about whether or not either of those might help you. Hang in there , , , all of you!

  2. Good Luck T in all of this. As for the itches, I seem to remember hearing something about cotton balls being packed around the area as hair grows back in.

  3. Oh, Jake. What a great perspective you have. I’m laughing out loud over here with tears in my eyes (which cannot see my own behind, which is probably a good thing). I’m glad you’re home safe from your hazing. Hang in there dude.

  4. I had a LARGE lab at one time and she was almost totally crippled when a friend suggested acupuncture. I swear, if I hadn’t been there, I wouldn’t have believed the difference even on the first treatment. We continued on and it truly did extend her life by several years. Worth a try!

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