This is the story of the chipmunks. It all started with one chipmunk who seemed harmless and pretty minimal on the destruction. Melvin and Jake had fun chasing her and she lived under some small brick steps leading to the garage. Whatever.
Well.. turns out girlfriend is pretty slutty and babies are popping up all over the flipping yard and every night there is some sort of frat party (to see who can be the next baby-daddy) so when we come out each morning there are shells and food trails and HOLES and TUNNELS.
I will not tell you what I googled on the subject but it was not ‘gift ideas for an expectant chipmunk’. Also, the whole thing has the dogs going nuts, and not in a good way for anyone. Melvin can’t focus on anything when he’s out back due to their scent being everywhere. Jake thinks some food fairy shows every night to leave him shells to eat. Also, since they seem to be making good use of the whole yard and patio, Jake feels the need to mark all areas, including the brick. If we see one of the squatter family members on a walk, well the walk has then ended cause Jake starts foaming and flipping and honking and I HATE CHIPMUNKS. There, I said it.
They are adorable for 13 seconds which is apparently how long the gestation period lasts. I want them gone. GONE! Please make them go away. For the love of all things good and holy, I’m just not a chipmunk person.