Hey guys. Jake here. Life is so sweet, just thought I’d take over and gush about my awesome existence and sexiness.
I’m still CEO of the meatball factory. Business is great! We’ve added a few new products into the mix, including but not limited to: a steady pee stream and drooling on demand. Also, and this seems to happen a lot when business is good, me and the mama bond a lot at night. I love it! She seems less enthused about it but I know I will win her over!
My brother is awesome! Lately he has not felt great. I know this because I’m so good at smelling him (I know what you are thinking, however I am not talking about his butt, although his butt is still the sweetest smell in all the land). No, I know when he is not feeling great just by smelling every inch of his body (which I do several times a day so that he knows just how much I care). If he lets me complete the task, he doesn’t feel good. I’m so smart.
What else, what else. Oh right, crazy Lady got some contraption and she thinks it’s HI-larious to strap it to me. First off, she’s downright terrible at getting me in it (OK, fine, I try to make it harder on her but you try sitting still while someone attaches a rickshaw to your hips and let me know how well you do!). I of course take off running the first chance I get and she proclaims ‘you’re doing it, you’re doing it’ and I think “oh no, she’s drinking again” and then I realize I’ve covered a lot of ground quickly and I have no idea how I did that (must have teleporting skills) so I stop and issue her a death stare and threaten through my gaze that I will soon learn how to teleport back to the couch.
So to recap, I’m still a sexy beast, business is great, brother is delicious and She is trying to turn me into a wheelbarrow.