An update from whatshisname.

Hey, it’s me, Bob.  Or Carl. Or maybe that word she says a lot ‘Doug’ but I never turn my head for cause I have no clue what a Doug is. Any who… life is GREAT! Am I staying here?


I lived somewhere for four months, no one really knows where. Then I lived in a jail with bars for four months.  Then I took a reallllllllly long car ride and lived in a house with some people and some dogs for a week. Now I’m here. Since I have put some pee down here, I think I should get to stay.


She is my new roommate and personal assistant. I’m really surprised at how well trained she is already. She opens the door to let me outside, she puts the most delicious food in a bowl for me, she gives me Kongs with treats in the them and sometimes I get these delicious sticks from a bull. Also, she takes me lots of places in the car and I get sooooooooo excited! Who am I kidding, everything excites me!   I mean, what more could I ask from her?

Well let me tell you what more I could ask for!

  • I need a damn (sorry for my language, I’m currently testing all the boundaries. Who am I kidding, I’m not sorry.) playmate. For whatever crazy reason, she does not like to romp.  What the…? I play bow then jump on her back and she no likey.  I mean I know I’m doing it right so it must be her.  When I play with all the others, they don’t mind if I open my mouth and try to fit their head in, but apparently her head, feet and hands are too good for me. How rude.
  • She keeps saying oh I guess we can’t have nice things anymore and I do as told, I speed up my indoor zoomies! Apparently doing what I’m told does not make her jump for joy. Make up your mind woman!
  • I don’t know who Jake is but the few times I pee’d in the house, it made her smile and she says Hi Jakey, I miss you too, bug. Is my name Jake? Who is Doug? Who is No? Who is Absolutely Not?  I’m so confused.
  • When she says walk, I say spin. Walk! Spin! Walk! Spin!  I guess when I spin she can’t get the blue straps onto my beautiful body and then she says why is the universe punishing me like this and I know a lot of words and I know that means SPIN FASTER! She is so slow to get that blue thing on me, I need her to try harder.
  • She likes to sit on my racetrack when it gets dark.  I like to ZOOOOOOOOOOM during darkness and I say BEEP BEEP to her body being in my way! The look on her face indicates that she does not have a love for speed like I do. She be cray.

So to sum up, I’m awesome and she’s still a work in progress!  Have no fear, I will break her!

Love, Jim


22 thoughts on “An update from whatshisname.

  1. Hi Jim! You just keep working, buddy. You’ll get her on board in no time, I’m sure.

    (He is SUCH a puppy. “Everything is THE BEST.” I nearly cried laughing at this one.)

  2. Doug, you are a riot! Thank you for making me laugh out loud at my desk. Keep up with the training, she’ll get there!

  3. Such cute commentary. ( just call me a little nutso but felt like Doug was actually speaking these words). Must be I understand this cause love doggies.
    And Yes, Jim, you are awesome.

  4. Names are hard to figure out.
    We keep hearing about No, No, No and No.
    We have yet to meet them and that’s ok cuz we think it would be totally confusing. I mean who names four pups with the same name???
    Best, Elwood, Maddie and Kimber

  5. We rescued a cat 4 years ago and he STILL has no clue what his name is! Jim will learn soon enough (I hope)

    Oh Doug… keep working on her, you’ll get her trained soon enough! I think you might be on the right track with needing a playmate

  6. Do you have a doggie daycare near by? Even twice a week for half a day? Worked like a charm for us, and got Spud socialized–until she was kicked out for biting another dog.

    • I know I shouldn’t laugh but I did a little! I have not ruled out daycare, but I’m a bit of a control freak and I want to be sure that Doug has positive interactions with other dogs. Melvin and Jake were anti-dogs so having a dog that is social is so new to me. I am probably being over protective of it. He has had a couple of playdates in our yard and has done great. I need to learn to loosen the reigns and give bigger playgroups a try.

  7. Doug, you are beyond adorable! Swyatt completely agrees with you that zoomies are under appreciated. He says late night zooms are the best (his recent zooms of choice are to wait until older sister requires a 3am bathroom break then to tear around the backyard and climb things…..His human is not so thrilled by this new zoom). Keep on being Doug! Can’t wait to hear more!!

  8. Oh gosh, I actually snorted reading this!

    I was afraid my youngest son was going to think his name was Dammit Zach at one point. He stared his Terrible 2s at age 1 and they lasted until he was almost 5. Hoping Jim-Doug’s don’t last that long!

  9. Oh Doug is adorable ! The spin thing well I have that problem with a 113lb German Shepard. It gets better in time! As for the zoomies well I have 3 big and a medium dog and a small place and they zoom all over.I would not trade these time for anything.

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