Yo, yo, yo my peeps. Doug here, with all the updates you need.

First off, I’m still awesome! I’m the fastest and bestest zoomie runner in the whole world.  Even She knows it! When I run zoomies, especially inside, she starts flailing her arms and yelling go Doug go! Try and go faster! Use the couch as a launching pad! At least that is what I assume she is saying, I don’t speak human.

Here is me being handsome. I do it with such ease. 

My legs are great. Sometimes I will land on one and get a major ouchie so I get really dramatic and yelp and fall to the ground and wiggle around until she brings snacks. She usually says get up Grandpa, you’re fine. Maybe stop thinking you can fly. She is so funny.

As for other dogs, who needs ’em? Can I get an AMEN? I just don’t see why we need another dog here right now. We barely have enough toys or Kongs for me. Why should I suffer so another dog can have a home? Hold on, what did you say woman? She knows I don’t know what selfish bastard means.

No vacancy. 

Any who… Jake’s cry day was last week and as per the name of the day, she cried. And then she got happy because she found a Frenchie in foster that needed a wheelchair (uh, pretty sure it’s rude to be happy about someone down on their luck like that) and we she is buying them a cart and I just hope we still have enough money for food. Two things I care about: zoomies and putting all the food into my belly.

It’s raining here. A lot. I don’t like being wet. The end.

My new obsession is Starbucks. WHERE HAS STARBUCKS BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE???? First off, we have to get in the car to go there! The car is almost as amazing as Starbucks! When we get there, everyone is all like oh my gosh, cutest dog ever, what’s his name? Oh my gosh, Doug is the best name and he is the cutest dog and… – yo people, calm down and move out of the way so Henry can hand over my pupaccino! One day I’m going to marry a pupaccino and we are going to register for Starbucks gift cards.

I shall use this for my Tinder profile. I look mysterious. Like do I only have half a face? Swipe right to find out. 

We went to the vet this week because my ear hurts. I would rather my ear fall off than ever have to go to the vet. They are nice people and all but I just feel very heart beaty and nervous there and to add to the horror: they have shiny floors. WHYYYYYYYY do shiny floors exist? Anywho.. She got some drops and I make her chase me to put them in my ear, it’s so fun! She loves it!

What else, what else… I still hate the chaise. I just don’t think it is worthy of my body.

Also, I like to eat bees. It’s painful but delicious.

I guess that is a pretty good update for now. Hope everyone has a great week!

xoxo – Doug