Three years without Wonkalicious.

Jake went to be with Melvin three years ago.

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Putting it in that context has always made it hurt a little less. I was always meant to find Melvin, and so was Jake.

 

Losing Jake was so hard, something this community knows very well. Melvin was gone and Jake’s last year was so difficult. His soulmate had left him and he didn’t know why. His beautiful googly eye formed a hole from an ulcer and after emergency surgery, struggled to heal (never forget hamburger eye!). He went fully paralyzed in his hind legs.  He got MRSP. His body had a much harder time fighting infection and then cancer came knocking again, this time with two different types for Jake.

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I have conflicting feelings about his last year. He was so lost without Melvin and there were moments, where it was just me and him, that I saw how small and lonely he was without his big brother. But he and I got to have that year together, just the two of us, and I really do believe that is how it was meant to be. He got all the love, something he had never gotten from anyone, ever.

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We made the best of that year. Many moments of me holding him in my arms, dancing around the house. Trips to the beach, rolling around the hood in his stroller. Owning the front door watch post like a boss. Him doing all the meatball production and me doing all the meatball clean up.

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A lot has happened in the last three years, and in some ways, nothing has changed. I said goodbye to Jake and hello to Doug; my little family may look different, but Melvin and Jake are still part of it. Jake is still my baby, I don’t think any dog will ever need me as much as he did. Melvin is my co-pilot and Jake is Doug’s. He is the little voice that whispers inside Doug’s head, some are really good ideas and some are really, really, really bad ideas.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Every year around the time of Jake’s death, I try to find a dog in rescue who needs a cart. It started with Oliver, just before Jake died, and this week, we bought our 4th cart in memory of Jakey, paid with love, for a little nugget named Declan. Declan is about to regain his mobility, and every joyful step he takes with his new wheels, will be more of Jake’s beautiful love living on, and one more step closer to Declan finding his forever.

I am so thankful this wonky-googly-eyed ball of comedy rescued me. I’m so happy to have been chosen to watch over both Jake and Melvin and watch their love grew. They brought me more happiness than I could ever explain! If you ever ask my advice on how to navigate all of  life’s beautiful and soul crushing moments, my response is always: Be the joy. So this week, in memory of someone who’s love should live on, be the Jakey joy. I promise, you won’t regret it.

Love. Lives. On.

 

4 thoughts on “Three years without Wonkalicious.

  1. It’s hard for me to remember at times, but you are 1000% correct, love lives on. A big thanks to you and your wonderful boys for teaching me that phrase, that feeling, that joy.

  2. I love that phrase, and really need it this week. We let my boy go last Tuesday, I’m absolutely heartbroken without him. I question all the time if I did the right thing for him. I hope it gets easier in time

    • Oh no, I’m so sorry. Saying it gets easier cannot impact you at this point. You are in the raw, soul crushing phase of grief. I might even tell you it gets worse, then it gets better. But that aside, you absolutely did right for him. We make decisions with love and that is the best that we can give anyone. Especially on end of life decisions. Be gentle to yourself, grief is hard. ❤️🌈❤️

      • Thank you. It is hard. I think the only thing that gives me any solace is that we got to do it “the way we wanted to.” The last thing I ever wanted for my boy was to drag him to the vet one last time. So we were able to do it at home, where he was comfortable and surrounded by us who love him.

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