Hey what’s up? Sorry I shouted that but my little brother is the loudest creature ever put on earth and I can barely hear my life occurring when he is within 45 feet of me. He snorts, he grunts, he snores, he honks, he does some weird gargle with his spit and sometimes he makes a hairball noise. He does this all day and all night. I think there are maybe 21 seconds a day where his body is so tired of making a noise that it holds his own breath for a moment of peace.
He’s fine. Whatever. Sure, there are some other things beyond his noises that I don’t love. I am not allowed to pee or poop in the house and quite frankly that is ok with me. But Jake? Oh do whatever you want. You’re too tired to go out(?), just pee here on MY BED (said me never but he still does it). He pees and she gets him robot skirts. Also, hear me now world, my brother Jake is the laziest creature on the planet. He somehow has convinced her to carry him up and down the steps. How embarrassing, get a gym membership dude. Lazy is not adorable.
I have also decided there are zero benefits to being small (except that you get to be extra noisy, pee wherever your heart desires and you get carried). I can see out the window. Dude cannot. So I bark, at nothing, and he gets all riled up and I just go lay down but he doesn’t know the fake thing isn’t still out their so he tries to hop up and see it but he can’t. I laugh so hard, in a silent way. I can jump up on he couch, on
my throne the purple chair, on the bed. Little dude just stares up at us. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. And then of course he makes some sad face that gives her the emotions and she lifts Lazy up to be with us. Ugh.
There are some things are ok about him. He seems to make her happy (although not as happy as I make her but anywho). He really seems to like how I smell, and so do I, so I like that he gets that. I mean I used to think it was odd that he smells every inch of me but he’s addicted to the Melvin-man, it happens to the best of them. He and I share a dislike of other dogs. When I was the only dog, I had to do all the work on chasing approaching dogs away. Now, little dude does it, from a buggy even! And he’s really good at it. I bet he could spark fear in a dinosaur. While I don’t love his giant pink car seat that takes up a billion inches of my space, I do like that we can pretend we are rich kids in a limo and She is our driver.
Ok fine, I love that he has taken to kissing me constantly. I mean for months he’d just land on my precious body from out of nowhere so him kissing me is definitely an improvement over that. And well, maybe, I love him as much as he loves me. I don’t even recall our life before him, that seems weird. Has he always been here? Sometimes, NOT ALWAYS, we will hold hands through the walls of his condo at night. Yeah, he’s my bro-man.
Oh, I’m also supposed to let you know I’m doing ok. I had a seizure last week and it took me a few days to get back to my awesome self. I feel bad I made her worry but one minute I was fine and the next minute I was confused and didn’t really have control of my body. But then it was fine. She said, ‘one day at a time, bud’. Gah, I love her so much. I’m not 100% but we go back to the vet today and I get laser therapy today too! Big day, big day!
Happy Monday! Melvin-man, over and out.