I love the dogs. You know I love the dogs. But if you spent time with us on any given day, you might think I was…mean.
You might hear me reminding Melvin that he can’t drink water after he eats. You might see me taking his water bowl away, mid-gulp. You would also probably see me do the same thing to Jake, pre-meal. Withholding water? Abusive. Yeah, that’s right, I withhold water ten minutes before and ten after. Sue me. Thy eat a raw diet. They are liquid burpers. You do the math.
What do you have against liquid burps? I think they are tasty. 
We go for walks and sometimes the boys don’t go #2. But I know they need to go. I find it odd that they need to go but they don’t. So I take them out back and then I remind them that they have to poop by saying ‘go poop, poop, go, go poop’. I say it fairly calmly, unless it’s raining (and then I yell it from inside) but still, it’s me, in the backyard, chanting poop to dogs. Crazy right? I don’t stop there, I walk around the yard, following them, reminding them why we are STILL outside, I say things like: ‘I know you would prefer to graze, but we’ve been outside for a long time and I have to work to afford you so I’m really going to need you both to GO POOP.’ Every once in a while, I throw in ‘for the love of God, poop.’ The thing is, I have 100% never been wrong about them needing to go. It can be frustrating when they don’t share my knowledge of the situation. Sometimes,I give up and Jake comes in and poops in the doorway. Then he looks at me like ‘what? you said to go poop.’
Seriously, I did what you said to do. 
Lastly, I don’t let either dog lick themselves. Sure, the occasional ‘lick the privates just because you can’ but for the most part, no licking. Normal dogs lick and then move on. Allergic dogs, they lick like there is no tomorrow, like there might be a buried treasure inside their paw. If I let the boys lick, they would never stop. They would not be dogs, they’d be two giant hot-spots with googly eyes and nubbin tails. More than once I have gotten dirty looks at the vet when i calmly say ‘no licking, bud’. Some people even gasp.
We can’t lick ourselves but we can still lick each other. 
Am I the only one? Do you guys do things that would seem crazy if not explained (and maybe still after explanation)?
Not crazy at all! I swear we are all related! I routinely will tell the boys that they need to poop. Although, as Joe will point out, Moby has NO PROBLEM pooping [wherever Joe will be stepping next]. And we don’t allow licking either. One, it’s annoying. Two, they won’t stop. We don’t withhold water, but if they were liquid burpers you can bet I would! Instead, they (Moby) just leave a trail of water from the water bowl to wherever they are headed. I can deal with that 🙂
Pretty sure I said ‘no licking’ when you were here and you didn’t even flinch! Ahhhh, sweet acceptance.
Definitely not crazy! I do the same! Oscar would rather stay inside and fart as much as possible, then go outside & just poop! If my neighbors are listening, they often hear “Ossccarrr! Go poops! Goooo! Go on!” Lol I also always tell my dogs to stop licking. The sound drives me nuts. I also have to tell Lucy to stop chewing her nails. I get the death stare from her, but she obviously knows what I mean because when I say “Lucy, stop chewing your nails” she immediately stops! I could go on with the examples, but I’ll just stop and say, trust me, I know the feeling! 😉
Next time you feel crazy, just imagine me giving you a high five!
Ha! Don’t worry – you’re definitely not the only one. Riley has outdoor allergies, so his paws are always pink from the consistent licking. If we catch him doing it, we always make him stop. He also eats so much kibble at one time that he makes himself sick, so we have to take away the food sometimes mid-meal so he can give himself a break. I’m a “mean mom”, too, but I think that’s what makes us such GREAT moms 🙂
Yes! You are so right! Crazy moms are most def the best moms!
Haha! I never let daisy drink immediately after drinking. She eats and drinks everything so fast she always barfs if we do.
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Silly labs!!! They love food more than breathing!
Oh I am a mean mean mommy, I don’t let Oscar lick either – but really only because he does it obsessivley!
Mean mommies unite! (I just threw my fists up in the air).
You are not a meannie! 🙂 I do NOT understand why dogs choose not to go poop when given the opportunity to do so! I find myself doing the poop mantra quite a lot, so I feel your pain. Oh, and I said to my Rico ‘Stop licking’ last night no less than 5 times. It is bath time apparently, so that will be my weekend chore! yippee.
Oh yeah, the ‘no licking’ command is only successful if you say 40 times in a row!
I’m completely with you. On the poop front, I’ve surrendered. If he doesn’t go in the morning when he has the chance, it’s his own fault. Our guy’s a champion at “holding it” so if he doesn’t go we have no worry of coming home to a mess. It’s just that he’s going to be a bit uncomfortable. He knows what we’re out there for and has the whole walk to do his business. If he doesn’t get busy even after I walk past all of his favourite spots, there’s not much else I can do. The licking, we stop pretty much right away. Privates might get a lick or two, but paws are a no-go for exactly the same reasons as you.
I’m envious of you! If my boys don’t go outside, they will go inside when the ‘urge’ sets in so bad they can’t stand it!
I don’t have any problems with liquid burps (or poops for that matter) but when Roxy got two scrapes on her left front paw, I was constantly telling her “no licking”. I could her her doing it in the living room at night while I was sleeping and would wake up to tell her to stop. Crazy.
Hahahaha, yes, i know that wake up call well!
You sound like every Dog Mom that I know. You are not alone!
Meanies unite!
If that makes me a meanie then I am too. I’m constantly telling Boomer not to lick or drink too much water, or yelling at Dottie not to jump on and off the furniture because it will hurt her back even more. I think it’s something all dog moms do!
totally agree!
Oooh… the licking. With Coop’s allergies, he borders on obsessive with the licking, so I always stop him. And – I am a meannie for sure – I’ve sprayed bitter apple on his feet to force him to stop, especially when I’m not home!
I have vet taped socks onto the boys, they try to lick through the socks!