The new me.

After Melvin died, I feel like I remained me.  I was me, just a super sad version of myself. Maybe I remained myself because Jake needed stability. After Jake died, I feel like I changed. Maybe that was to compensate for my little family disappearing. Maybe I was just due to change a little from the prior year me. Part of it was probably how lost and broken I felt.

Things that had caused me stress before, no longer bothered me.  Things that I never noticed before, caused me anxiety.  For a while, I felt like I didn’t even know myself. I still feel that way a little.

The fact is, I have been learning who I am without Melvin and Jake. I’d rather not have to do this, so there has been some kicking and screaming along the way.

Normally, when I bring something home, I give it a lot of thought.  Be it a couch, a rug, a new appliance or a dog(!), a lot of thought and consideration goes into my decisions.  Yet, I didn’t give Doug all that much thought. His first few days here, instead of over planning or controlling for everything, I just went with the flow.  (I should note here that I still love over planning and controlling for everything, I just didn’t do it all that much at first with Doug. I’m not a total anarchist).

The new me is full of surprises.

Take for instance this post from Doug’s rescue group about this sweet girl, who had been starved and then dumped at a shelter.


They also posted her new photos to show how the shelter was able to get her back up to a healthier weight.


Doug’s rescue group posted they would like to pull her if they could find a foster home for her. I immediately started thinking about how we could help.  Then, in a shocking series of two minutes, my fingers opened my email and sent a note saying that we could foster her.

Wait, what? Who sent that?

I thought about it for a minute and thought, OK new me. You win, let’s do this.  So we had a phone call about fostering her, they gave me the scoop on her and asked me if I was still in.

I said, yes. That was a little over a week ago We are still awaiting word on when she is coming.

The mudroom is ready for her (actually the whole house is ready for her but the mudroom will be her private escape).  I am not sure how long she will be with us but I do know she will feel love every minute she is in this home.

Hopefully she likes bouncy dogs named Doug.

Who wouldn’t love the Doug?img_0611


45 thoughts on “The new me.

  1. Wow, you are brave and you have so much doggie love you are bursting. I hope it works out perfectly and they get along totally. I can’t wait to see how this moves along. Lucky dogs and lucky you.

  2. You. Are. My. Hero. Heroine? Tracey, you’re amazing and this girl could not have landed in a better place to heal. I bet Doug is going to be so excited!!

  3. I am sitting reading this giving you a standing while sitting JOY ovation. I am so deeply in awe of you. As for you Doug be a good boy and help your foster sister learn to love life as she loves you and your Wondrous Mum

  4. I have to say…. I love every version of YOU!!!! You are simply amazing and this new pup is going to be so loved

  5. Aww Tracey, you never stop amazing me! And by the way, how could anyone not LOVE Doug!….I’m sure they will be great friends! Cant wait to meet her!

  6. I know that I only know you through your blog, but can I just say how proud I am of you? We need more people in this world like you, Tracey. You rock!

  7. I think you are awesome! Grieving is a weird and personal process…. Finding the new normal is a journey. Congrats on the steps that you have taken and are taking.

  8. Doug is like, “When is new friend coming? Current friend does not like climbing. Need new climbing friend.” Two heads are better than one–especially when those two heads are involved in new ways to drive you crazy! This is so exciting, I can’t wait to see pictures of the sweet girl!

  9. How wonderful! I’m sure that precious girl will love you, Doug and all the nurture she will receive in her foster home. On the other hand look at those bones what kind of heartless @$! does that to a helpless creature.

  10. OH HOOOOOOOORAY!!!!! You are a SUPER HERO GODDESS!!!!! What a lucky dog. Wishing you and doug a world of fun with this sweet girl, who know maybe you’ll keep her. I have never been wrong when I followed my gut! Congrats to you and doug, and of course the newest member to be, she is one lucky dog!!!!

  11. The heart gets healed in unexpected ways. Hurray for your fingers that didn’t wait for your head. Paws crossed that all goes well. 🙂

  12. What’s her name? A beautiful girl & one handsome dud – I predict the 2 will be the best of friends who just might get into a little mischief along the way!

  13. Oh gosh, how exciting! I’m so happy for y’all!!

    I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we figure It out and sometimes we don’t. I think the universe put this in place for you to help this sweet girl. You will be the one to bring love and joy to her life, just like you did for Melvin and Jake, and just like you are doing for Doug.

    Bless you for having such a big, kind heart!

  14. Awe. She’s an American Bulldog! Best of luck with your new addition and thank God for folks like you who give so generously with their entire hearts❤️️

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