After Melvin died, I feel like I remained me. I was me, just a super sad version of myself. Maybe I remained myself because Jake needed stability. After Jake died, I feel like I changed. Maybe that was to compensate for my little family disappearing. Maybe I was just due to change a little from the prior year me. Part of it was probably how lost and broken I felt.
Things that had caused me stress before, no longer bothered me. Things that I never noticed before, caused me anxiety. For a while, I felt like I didn’t even know myself. I still feel that way a little.
The fact is, I have been learning who I am without Melvin and Jake. I’d rather not have to do this, so there has been some kicking and screaming along the way.
Normally, when I bring something home, I give it a lot of thought. Be it a couch, a rug, a new appliance or a dog(!), a lot of thought and consideration goes into my decisions. Yet, I didn’t give Doug all that much thought. His first few days here, instead of over planning or controlling for everything, I just went with the flow. (I should note here that I still love over planning and controlling for everything, I just didn’t do it all that much at first with Doug. I’m not a total anarchist).
The new me is full of surprises.
Take for instance this post from Doug’s rescue group about this sweet girl, who had been starved and then dumped at a shelter.
They also posted her new photos to show how the shelter was able to get her back up to a healthier weight.
Doug’s rescue group posted they would like to pull her if they could find a foster home for her. I immediately started thinking about how we could help. Then, in a shocking series of two minutes, my fingers opened my email and sent a note saying that we could foster her.
Wait, what? Who sent that?
I thought about it for a minute and thought, OK new me. You win, let’s do this. So we had a phone call about fostering her, they gave me the scoop on her and asked me if I was still in.
I said, yes. That was a little over a week ago We are still awaiting word on when she is coming.
The mudroom is ready for her (actually the whole house is ready for her but the mudroom will be her private escape). I am not sure how long she will be with us but I do know she will feel love every minute she is in this home.
Hopefully she likes bouncy dogs named Doug.
Who wouldn’t love the Doug?