Despite my inability to accept it, it appears that Melvin’s time with us will be cut short. I am caught between heartbroken and ridiculously grateful that he is mine. Heartbroken wins out most moments but when I look at him, I’m so proud of our life together. And I’m honored to love him and I’ll be honored to be there for him at his end.
But mostly, I am just crying.
Melvin has been diagnosed with Hemangiosarcoma. It’s in his liver. He has one large tumor and several smaller ones. It is a very aggressive cancer. Most owners do not know their dog has this type of cancer until the dog dies, suddenly. I’m glad we know. I was in the room when they were doing the ultrasound. It was the day after his birthday. The Dr. said: I’m so sorry, I have terrible news.
‘Terrible’ was not a strong enough word. After all we have been through, this is just not how I saw our end playing out.
We have spoken to two vets and from what I understand, eventually the large tumor will rupture. There will be a few warning signs but apparently it will happen rather quickly, and it could happen at any time. Surgery and chemo do not look to be options but we are still seeking all doctors who may know otherwise. Right now I just stare at him non-stop. And since he is always aware of me, he stares back. Jake stares at us both, at the same time.
So to sum it up, it sucks.
Please know that this community of readers, and bloggers and virtual friends gives me strength and I’m super thankful and stronger knowing you are here, there, wherever you are. We are going to live in the now, have as many moments together as we can. Jake will love it, Melvin will tolerate and I will soak in every moment, every touch, every glance. I could not love him more, but in the coming days, I will certainly try. It’s sad, but this is life. And all we can do is make the most of it. The good news, yes shockingly there is good news, is that this type of cancer is not known to be painful. He most certainly does not feel good, but he is not in pain. And when the time comes, I’ve been told it will be quick and he should be relatively comfortable.
I would never let him suffer.
We are accepting prayers for miracles, always! Keep those coming. Since finding out yesterday, I have spent a great amount of time crying and trying to make sense of it all. But this afternoon I am taking deep breaths and thinking that miracles happen all the time. I mean a miracle sent me Melvin, so you really never know! We see a specialist on Tuesday. Third opinion could always be the charm!
With love, us.