Heyyyyyyyy my people! I’m out of jail and living the good life!
Where to start?…
So a few (dog) years ago she got all I’m the boss of you and now I’m going to kidnap you in your own house and put you in this jail cell and oh wait some stranger is going to cut your leg open and its going to hurt and you won’t be able to walk or run or jump or be a dog and the moment its healed he’s going to cut the other leg open and you will live a life of de ja vu and I’m still the boss of you and you will like it and I’ll keep a leash on you at all times and no running and stay still and sleep down here alone and seriously no running, not even thoughts of running including but not limited to memories of running!
She’s the worst. Well at least for this part of the update she’s the worst. Don’t even try to disagree with me unless your mother is also addicted to having surgery done on you. No one? Thought so.
I mean sure, she came in the jail cell with me. And fine, she made me some pretty incredible treats. And there were all those times she took me to Peanut Butter City and hello, that place is heaven on earth! They have Beckys there. I mean you gotta get you own Becky cause I got my Becky but there is also a Becky there named Jessie that I really liked too, anywhooooo, yeah,
Smother is ok I guess.
Also, I graduated from rehab! But she promises we can still go back and visit my harem.
Where was I? Oh, right, I’m freeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Like she always says, forward is the best direction. So forwards is where I go. Does it count if your forwards is a really fast zoomie circle?
The leg scars make me look incredibly rugged. I can tell the ladies love it. She dressed me up as something called Franken(leg)weenie for Halloween and she drew some lines on me that look like more scars and then she found out that stuff does not wash off easily so now it looks like faded tattoos and I’m not gonna lie, I like it. A lot. I look like a damn badass.
She says I’m not really a bad ass because I’m afraid of wind. She’s dumb.
Also, I love blankets now. And not just as a snack!
So… I’M FREE! I’M FREE! I’M FREE!
She keeps trying to introduce me to dogs (and Jake keeps whispering to me in my sleep that I should not, under any circumstance, fall for it or allow it). Who should I listen to?
Gotta run, she just went upstairs so its time to eat another shoe!