This post is two-fold.  It’s about life with Jake, and it’s about a post I read on Facebook.

Jake came to me able-bodied and ornery as all hell.  While his gait always seemed a little off, I’d never had a Frenchie or any short-legged dog for that matter so it was really hard to tell.  Dude ran, and leapt and when walking him, he could almost pull you over with all 33 lbs.  Unlike with Melvin and his severe allergies, I had no idea what I was getting into with Jake.  I mean more often than not, you really never know.

One year after getting Jake, we woke up one morning and he got out of bed and his hind legs did not work.  He was terrified and I was terrified. Melvin even freaked out a little, why was his little buddy swimming on the floor? Fine one day, unable to walk the next day.  After emergency vet visits, neurologist visits and many tests (MRI, Spinal Tap and CT scans) I found out that Jake had the most messed up spine imaginable and that one day (not at that point but one day), his hind legs would fully stop working.  He regained use of his hind legs a few days later (thank you steroids) but his legs were never the same and his gait has continued to decline over the past year and a half. I did what I do best, I went into plan mode.

Along with his legs issues, he started losing control of his bladder and meatball making schedule.  One of the reasons I like older dogs (oh let me count the ways) is that the housebreaking days are long over.  And while Jake’s issues were not about housebreaking, they suddenly became about all the things you hate most about housebreaking.  Pee and crap.

Fast forward to today.  I change Jake’s diaper about 4-5 times a day.  We go through 12 maxi pads during an average day. They are not magic diapers or pads, they often leak.  “Little Jake’ wiggles out about 4-5 times a week and I have to get on my hands and knees and clean up the floor. i have a flashlight that shows pee (doesn’t everyone?).  He sleeps diaper-free at night (in a contained area) and I get up (on average) about 4 times a night to change out his mattress cover or pick up some meatballs. I do my own laundry, once a week.  I do Jake’s laundry, twice a day. The duties contained in this paragraph, I did not plan for them.  I’d love for these issue to go away (for me and for him) but I also never let it weigh me down.  If he pees or poops, I clean it up with the same thought process as if someone spilled some water.  It’s just something I do now.  When you love someone, and they start down a road of declining mobility, you don’t wave good-bye.  You say, wait for me, we are going this together.

This week I read a post about a woman whose dog had started marking in the house, and she had ‘tried everything’ and ‘just couldn’t take it anymore’.  The last straw had been the dog marking near/on her child’s toys.  People made suggestions about belly bands, training tips, etc, but the woman said with complete certainty, she wanted the dog gone. I could write a book for this woman, but I could tell she’d never open it.

I mean we all read posts about people who have given up on their pets.  If people are not going to be there for their dogs (and yes it’s easy to say they never should have gotten the dog, but they did, so…), I do believe they should give them up.  Sure, I wish the person would MIRACULOUSLY change, but that is not the reality.  And this person’s frustration rang true to me, I got it.  I mean she does not even have a clue at how much I GOT IT.  Jake leaks pee 24/7. She had not even scratched the surface on the amount of pee a dog can unload.

But she and I only had that in common.  The fact that into our lives, some pee did fall.

There are people who don’t have to say I’m in this with you forever because quite frankly, it goes without saying. And there are people who are only in it for as long as it works out.  Maybe one can’t be, without the other. I mean, my little family was formed because of those differences. And it could be pee, or behavioral issues or illness and the cost of vet care.  So, even when reading her post and thinking, I WISH JAKE ONLY MARKED!!!… I realized, that dog of hers, deserves better. He deserves true love.  He deserves guidance and maxi pads. And I looked at Jake and thanked God that I was capable of that love. I have quit plenty of things (diets, jobs, gym memberships, people who suck), but I will never quit Jake.

The whole thing reminded me of post I did about Melvin’s first family.  A letter I wrote (never sent) to them (HERE).  To thank them for letting him go.

Some of you will recall that Jake got a buggy about a year-and-a-half ago.  It was his mean-green-hood-machine.

There were a few things wrong with that version of the stroller.  One, despite it saying it fit a dog 50lbs or less – Jake was pretty tight in there.  He could not lay down in it which was tough on long walks. Also, those wheels were not engineered for a dog built like a boulder Jake.

The biggest issue was that after 18 months of Jake, It was just a giant-green-pee-stink-machine.  It gets much funkier during the summer heat. No thank you.

So I upgraded us all.

Of course I never fully think through anything when it comes to online shopping. I just see the ‘buy’ button and click away! But Big-Red does not fit in my SUV (well I guess it would fit but then Jake wouldn’t fit…). So now I am getting Green-Machine de-peed so it can be our travel buggy.

Life with Jake, a series of problems, solutions and pee.

Just a sidenote:  There are very few things as funny as seeing people on the path, they think it’s a kid buggy and then all of a sudden I click and treat.  The look on their faces is pure: WHY IS SHE CLICKER TRAINING HER CHILD?  IS THAT A THING NOW?

I make no secret about the fact that I love Yellow Brick Home pet portraits.  I love them more than wine and shoes combined.  True story.

It all started with our first painting. The one of the boys, from my viewpoint (me looking down and them looking up).  My dynamic duo, forever together on hot pink.

Then came Melvin’s portrait, earlier this year.  Commissioned prior to the cancer diagnosis but arriving before we lost him. I had one request: capture his Eeyore face. Kim nailed it (doy).  I hold this painting, clutched to my chest, daily. The happiest sad-face I’ve ever loved.

After Melvin died, I knew I needed to complete the collection.  When you lose something so great, you create balance wherever possible.  So I ordered a YBH painting of Jake. When talking to Kim, I tried to explain to her that since losing Melvin, there was a vulnerability in Jake’s eyes. I said maybe she’d see, maybe she’d think I’m cray.

Well, I can confirm that she saw it.  This painting, those eyes, it’s there. She captured my little monkey; a guy who lost his life partner, but is learning to find his own way.

And where to put these treasures?  That was easy. Although Melvin can no longer greet me at the door, the moment I walk into the house, I’m reminded of my little family in other ways.

If you have one (or more) of these paintings, you know.  If you HAVE YET TO ORDER ONE,  what are you waiting for???  Go!

Here is the truth.  Seeing Oh Melvin regularly has made me sad.  The cause for all the ‘ohs’, I miss them.  I was not expecting Oh Melvin to remind me of what I can no longer hold. But when I went to change the name of the blog last weekend, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t will my hands to delete the title or add a new one!  It’s still a string that still connects me and Jake to him.  And us three to you all. And, since launching Melvin’s Project Joy this week, Oh Melvin has felt more right than it has in a few months. It’s funny how spreading some joy can heal you.

I had every intention of changing it to ‘…into my life you came’.

I do think it will eventually change. If a new dog miraculously wins Jake over in the short-term, I’ll figure out a way to jam his (or her) name into this sandwich.

I did update a few things!  The tagline and the menus, and content within the menus. So there was forward movement!  We need to claim any and all baby steps that we can!

I’ll leave you with this photo of Jake from this weekend.  Melvin used to take breaks from Jake, in the closet with the door slightly closed. Jake would eventually find him. For the record, this photo does not make sad. I’m pretty sure Jake can still see Melvin in there. He sat there for over ten minutes, it was less about looking and more about finding. In fact the more progress Jake makes, I think Melvin is guiding him. And that makes me happy.

#loveliveson #sodoesOhMelvin

I am squealing with delight to launch this!!!  It feels like a big hug with Melvin.

Each month, we will do a giveaway that celebrates the unique nature of our furry friends.  There will be monthly categories, so if you have a dog that falls into that one, you can nominate them to win. If your dog does not fit into this month’s category, do not fret, we have a pretty all-encompassing list for the entire year – like if your dog is a cat – we eventually got you covered!

When Jen (at Sirius Republic) and I started talking about how these monthly giveaways would work, we immediately agreed on the what the first month category would be.

Anxiety dogs.

Both of our lives have been forever changed by our anxiety dogs (Melvin & Jake for me, Chilly for her).  We have compared stories of desensitization, DAP diffuser and anxiety supplements and drugs.  We have shared updates on how we have missed out on events, in order to help our dogs get through. Countless successes and many failures, some frustration and many adult beverages later, that is how being a (pet) parent goes! So in honor of our anxious-love-monkeys, we kick off month one of Melvin’s Project Joy!

Here is how it works…

1. This goes beyond just a giveaway (but yes, there is of course some loot!).  Our goal is to remind each other that we are all in this crazy life together.  That through these giveaways, we can all bring empathy into play.  As you share stories of your anxiety dogs, read the stories of others.  You may nod, or have ideas of how to help.  You can message others and share ideas and stories.  Friendships will form. Support can be shared.  Joy will be spread!
2. Share you anxiety dog (your dog’s name, a photo. and the story of anxiety issues you and your dog face) on either our Facebook page containing this post, on Sirius Republic’s Facebook page when they share this post. If you are not of the Facebook world, you can email your info to ohmelvinyojake@gmail.com.  You can also post the info below in the comments, although you probably can’t share a photo on here (and that’s ok). No matter how you submit your info, you will be entered to win.
3. READ ALONG AS OTHERS POST. DON’T FORGET TO REACH OUT.
4. We will pick one female and one male winner at the end of July!

Next month, it will be a new category!

When I started the blog, I named it Oh Melvin because I said those two words SEVERAL times a day. In the beginning it was a frustrated Oh Melvin what have you done and at the end, it was a Oh Melvin, I love you bud. I gave no thought to how long I would blog or if the blog would outlive Melvin. Neither of those things felt like a concern to me at the time.

I no longer say “Oh Melvin” out loud anymore. In fact, I have not said those words since the moment we said goodbye.  When I pull up the blog each day, I wonder about two things…

1. Does oh Melvin, yo Jake feel right?
2. How in the world will I ever add other dog names to that moniker?

To start, the URL will always be ohmelvin.com.  I bought ohmelvin.com and I’m keeping it. Forever. That is always how you will get here. That URL is the soul of this blog. It is what brought us all together. Hopefully that relieves some concern.

The title of the blog probably needs to evolve though. Life has changed for us and the blog should reflect some of that shift.

I’ve been toying with two options.

1. The first is from a line in a song that I sang to Melvin every night, a song that started long before there was ever a blog: Oh Melvin, into my life you came.  In this option I would go with: “…into my life you came. The story of Melvin & Jake“.  This would then allow for dogs who follow, to be represented (I’d just keep adding names).
2. The other option I am considering is: “Love lives on. The story of Melvin & Jake.“.  If you follow us on Instagram, you know that #loveliveson is a hashtag I have been using for the last three months.  And it’s easy to add names on.

For both options, the menu heading that says “About Melvin (and Jake)’ would change to a different heading for each dog.  Oh Melvin would include the background of Melvin.  Yo Jake would be about the wonky-legged-googly-eyed-dude.  I could then add a menu button for any other dogs that find their way to us. So there would still be Oh Melvin and Yo Jake visually.

So what is your opinion?  Do you like 1 or 2?  Do you dislike either? Do you have other ideas?  Do you want it to stay Oh Melvin, Yo Jake (and if so, how do I add names to that?). Could I ask anymore questions in this paragraph?

And just a FYI, when asked, Jake suggested the blog be called: Just Jake. 

Photo credit: Kate Juliet Photography

Melvin died three months ago.  I still can’t type it without feeling some heaviness creep into my chest.

I’ve been going to therapy/grief counseling because I still have a hard time at night.  I feel a lot of anxiety and I don’t sleep all that great anymore.  We think a lot of that has to do with how terrified I was every night that he was here, after I learned of the cancer.  In the same moment I was so grateful that we’d had one more day I was also so utterly terrified that he would die during the night or the next day.  I was constantly haunted by our prognosis:  he could die at anytime. Nighttime was when I’d fall apart.  It was the worst fear and panic I’ve ever known. So it makes sense, I have to make some peace with the night hours now.  The good news is, it’s getting better.  For sure.

Everyone keeps saying, it’s ok to be mad. I know about the stages of grief, I’m not sure that everyone goes through each one.  But I can’t (or maybe it’s that I won’t?) let myself be angry.  Here’s why. In the seven years I had Melvin, he never displayed an ounce of anger. He got a lot of crappy health issues thrown at him yet that dog even wagged his nubbin one hour after having to have his tail amputated.  For me, being angry that he’s gone or that cancer found us, feels untrue to who he was to me.  He was my bright light and in grieving him, I am trying to honor that. I’m trying live by his example. Trust me, it’s not always easy. Cancer has taken too much, of that we are all certain.  But for us, his cancer was brief and he suffered very little.  I’m grateful for that.

The grief has softened, a lot. I keep it together when I talk about him now. I have been able to watch a few videos of him and remain upright (HUGE)!  And when tears come, I’m thankful for the love that brought them. Jake is doing much better also.  He did well being left alone with the dog sitter for a week. He’s doing great with his training. His separation anxiety has significantly improved. I can see his overall anxiety lessening, sometimes his new calm reminds me of Melvin.  Jake’s Jedi master taught him well.

In losing Melvin I have realized that the best way to honor someone’s memory, is to take on some of the goodness they brought to the world. It’s how love lives on. If they brought kindness, keep kindness going.  If they brought laughter, carry the funny forward. If they made you feel strong, lift someone else up.  I promise you, it helps. For us, Melvin brought joy and peace.  And I will give both back, every day I’m alive.

And since we are a forward moving bunch, in my next post I’ll share with you my thoughts on changing the name of the blog.

Photo credit: Kate Juliet Photography

I left for the beach on July 2nd.  The day before, I went and stocked up on Jake’s food.  Stella & Chewy freeze-dried raw.  I buy a variety (duck, chicken, beef and venison) and rotate after we finish each bag.

On July 3rd, I got an text that the FDA issued a recall on Stella & Chewy freeze-dried chicken. The noise that came out of me while reading that was frightening. I immediately called the dog sitter to check each bag (chicken and non-chicken) to see if we had any of the lot numbered bags.  We did.  And Jake was currently eating from it.

I felt sick with worry.  Since it was already the holiday weekend, I called The Life Center (our ER vet) to ask them what to look for.  They said ‘pretty much anything out of the ordinary could be cause for concern’.  Um, my panic level just hit defcon 5000.  As mentioned, our dog sitter was new.  Jake’s entire existence is out of the ordinary for her.  How would she ever know what is normal and what could be Listeria.  I explained (in a voice that poetically, only dogs could hear) the situation and that I would need specific things to look for.  They listed out nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stumbling (oh great, this one was not going to be easy), confusion (uh, that is Jake’s middle name).

I spoke to Tayler and we decided if anything gave her concern, she would just take Jake to TLC.  I took slight comfort in the fact that Jake is pretty iron stomached. Not that he can defend himself against Listeria but he has eaten a lot of things that should have made him sick and never did (rocks, plumbers putty, frogs, birds, bunnies).  When Monday rolled around, I called our normal vet.  Symptoms can show up 7-70 days after exposure.

What’s a few more months of worry?!

Unless attempts at bringing sexy back are a symptom, so far he’s doing OK!

I’m back from a glorious week with my family! It was sunshine, dance parties and love.

When I was planning for this vacation I knew we were facing two firsts.  I’d be leaving Jake  (without Melvin here for him) for the first time and we’d have a new dog sitter.  Our previous dog sitter, Vasha (who we love to the moon and back) transitioned to a corporate job so she is not dog sitting much these days.  It almost felt appropriate that her last time watching the boys was when Melvin was here.  She started with Melvin and ended with Melvin.  Some chapters are like that.

This vacation, our dog sitter was Tayler, the daughter of regular midday walker.  She is AMAZING!  I got texts throughout the week, she didn’t judge me when I wanted to FaceTime Jake and she left me a detailed write-up of every single day so that upon my return, I could re-live Jake’s week.  Jake’s week, as per usual, had a lot of meatball making and Little Jake escape-from-the-diaper-events. (This is life with Jake. Luckily, Tayler has a diaper dog at home so she was more than capable of handling Jake, Little Jake and the Meatball Factory).

Despite all the pee and poop, I was still left with this note…

While on vacation my five-year-old-niece asked about Melvin (she was confused when I said the dog watcher was only watching Jake).  I explained to her that Melvin had been called to heaven to be an angel (to which her response was: “so he’s dead?” — I love this part about kids, they cut through the sugar-coating and just state the facts!).  But during my conversations with her, I was touched that she even remembered Melvin and that she could recall stories of him and even share with me what she thought he was doing in Heaven (“stealing food from kid’s hands” — spot on!).

Tune in for the next post when I share a food recall that occurred while I was on vacation and the panic that momma bear went through from afar! It wasn’t pretty.

Yo, it’s Jake.  The mother up and left me this week.  I mean we ascertained (yes I know what that means) that I have abandonment issues and anxiety over losing my brother and then she thought, hey, I have a terrible idea, and she up and left for the beach for a week.

What the what?

Anyway, I guess I’ll forgive her since she left me in the care of a really cool chick.  This chick smells a lot like my midday walker, D-money.  Apparently, my servant dog-sitter this week is D-money’s daughter!  That whole family must be hard-core addicted to Jake love and kisses cause at one point this week, I had a harem!  Here I am with D-money and my two other girlfriends her two daughters.

Here is a recap of my most momentous ‘mom’s-away-lets-partay-week’.

I showed my sitter my creeper moves. She was not detoured. I love her.

I buried a bone. 

I lunged.  

I hunted a duck. In my monkey diaper.

I looked behind me. 

And I took some private time.  I mean Jake can’t entertain 24/7. This ain’t vegas. 

In between getting Melvin’s Project Joy up and running, I have not forgotten my other project, Jake. He and I saw a behaviorist Tuesday.  She was amazing. I had filled out a ten page questionnaire on-line and she read every single word.  There is something about people who prepare…I love them. We talked about a lot of things.  A lot.  When she asked me to sum up my goals I said, there is at least one, hopefully two.

1. I want to give Jake the best life he can have. I want to understand him and what he’s going through and who he is post-Melvin so that I can adjust our life and champion what it is he needs.
2. If being an only dog isn’t part of #1, I would like to figure out how to add a dog to Jake’s life.  In the past, Jake has always been added to the mix.  Now he’s the mix.

It’s interesting the things you uncover when you have the right person walking you through Jake’s life. As for his prey drive, it’s strong and there is very little that can be done about it.  She told me that there are two things the behaviorist community still has not solved – prey drive and territorial issues.  Although I wish there was a solution, it’s always better to know what you’re facing.  Reality is what reality is.  Jake will always be a hunter.

But the good news is, that doesn’t necessarily mean he has to be an only dog.  She had a lot of great insights into Jake, and his life with Melvin. In short, Melvin was Jake’s prozac.  Melvin provided Jake with safety and direction. (That makes me love and miss Melvin even more).  Jake was fine with so many things when Melvin was here and has anxiety with so many of them now that Melvin is gone.

We talked about the many reasons why Jake lunged violently at may not have liked the dogs I have introduced him to, especially once they entered our house. We talked about how a little dog who gets attacked by a big dog or a brown dog might always have fear of big or brown dogs.  How a dog’s visual (size, color and energy) can be a good thing for one dog and a wrong thing for another dog.  How just the visual can make or break what is to come next. We talked a lot about the dogs in Jake’s past.  Then we talked specifics about the dogs I had introduced him to recently.

In my dog search, the dog that is right for me does not look like Melvin. As part of my search, the dog that is right for Jake is similar to Melvin in that they are not into rough play, they are tolerant and easy going and they can be a good lead for Jake. My guess is also an older dog would work best (for both of us).

She agreed with all but one thing.  In looking back at Jake’s life, the only constant, has been a yellow lab.  A big, yellow, soft dog. A yellow lab in his first life, a yellow lab in his foster life and then in his soulmate, Melvin. While she couldn’t guarantee it, her guess was that Jake needs to see Melvin (literally) in the next dog.  A dog that looks similar to his greatest love (and loss).  The exact visual that I have been avoiding.

She pointed out, that is all Jake has ever known.  He is not a dog park dog, he does not go to doggy daycare.  He has known, big, yellow dogs. The same way that little dog who gets attacked by a big dog runs from big dogs.  Jake seeks out type of dog that has brought him companionship and joy.

It’s amazes me (and it breaks my heart a little) how two creatures who love the same thing so much, could need such different things moving forward. Is it out of the question for me to love a big, yellow dog again.  No way.  But it feels a little impossible at the moment. And that is ok, because we have some Jake homework anyway.

We are going to work on finding some dogs (that already have homes) that fit Jake’s visual comfort zone and work on getting him used to those dogs on walks and then in our backyard.  Light colored, soft dog visitors.  Desensitize him (and me) a bit.  Get his anxiety to a better, more manageable place with dogs who can come and then leave.  And in doing so, one day, we will work with a rescue group that will work with us in doing the same thing with a dog that could work for our family.

She gave me hope.  And hope is everything.