Jake’s car seat.

Jake needed a car seat (for safety) that was also a booster seat (so he could look out the window).  He is giant weighs too much for all the single boosters so I had to buy a double one (you know, the type someone would buy if they had two dogs sitting in it — even though there will only be one dog in it).  I found the perfect one, white furry/fleecy where he sits (hides his hair) and black on the outside to match the car’s interior. Great safety rating.

It took forever to come, seriously, like over three weeks. When it finally arrived…

  1. it took up 3/4 of the back seat. Melvin was not amused, at all.
  2. it was pink.  Pink.  Light pink with somewhat of a glitter sheen.  Like it was probably called Mariah Carey Pink. This is not my favorite of all the pinks.  I doubt it’s Jake’s either.

We were leaving on a road trip the next day so, yeah, Jake has a pink car seat now.



Home office.

I know you all love the boys but I get a lot of request to see more of the house.  Since I have been spending more time in the home office, I recently gave it a little extra love as it needed some finishing touches.  A little tidbit about me… no matter where I am (a friend’s house, a hotel, a bar, a store), I’m constantly space planning.  I cannot turn it off.  I have to stop myself from rearranging other people’s things.

Space planning is lost on the dogs.  They will 100% occupy the exact spot they should not.  Jake will even drag his bed to where he’d prefer it to be, like the middle of the hallway. Oh well! Here are some photos of the office, we’ll call it Tracey Tuesday.

(Notice the film on the front windows. It keeps Melvin from sitting at the window and barking at every single thing that goes by.  The side windows are available to him to look out all he wants, not much happens in the driveway).

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The weekend was fairly uneventful.  I had a migraine so there was some lying around.  The boys usually lay around so they just stepped it up an extra notch.


I know your head hurts but you ARE going to feed us, RIGHT?IMG_9725

Jake made it impossible helped me to build a table. IMG_9703

Cue more sleeping. IMG_9697 IMG_9755 IMG_9764

Hope you had a great, relaxing, fun-filled weekend!

Siriusly super(hero).

If you haven’t read part one of this, you can read it here.

After Jen from Sirius Republic typed in the magic words that she could help us, our world brightened up!  She and I went back and forth on what I had tried and what the pros and cons of each were.  She listened to all my crazy babbling feedback.

  • Can’t be too heavy, don’t want to weight down his legs
  • Needs to work with tiny waist and thicker torso
  • Need solution for leakage
  • Want it to be comfortable
  • Has to be long/wide enough to keep Big Jake inside
  • Needs to stay in place (in general and when he makes love to the rug)

It was like a letter to Santa. I sent her a few photos of the belly bands we’d been using along with links to the products so she could see them in more detail.  That was Monday of last week.  Just days later, the prototype photo was emailed to me.  I squealed and danced and raised my hands up while I shouted hallelujah! The gift was on its way to us.  I camped at the mailbox.

So here’s the thing.  Jen listened to every single thing I said.  I hoped to have some of the issue solved but she designed something that addressed everything and then some! This woman, this superhero that we have never met, took time from her life to help out a well-hung, wonky-legged dog and his mom.  I had told her that comfort mattered most. She made it soft on the inside, it’s like sweatshirt material. I asked that it be light so that it was easy on his back, she made it light as a flippen feather.  I said the closure should have some give so he could move, she made it cylindrical so there is no need for velcro or clips.


She sensed my deepest frustrations about the leakage.  So this warrior seamstress went out and bought ROBOT PATTERNED WATERPROOF FABRIC for my boy. I mean have you ever??!! I had told her months ago that our robot collars were our most favorite of them all.  Jen is not just wildly talented, she’s thoughtful.  She’s giving.  She reaches out and helps others. She’s that person we all meet and think, I need to be more like that.  Please, please, I beg of you, if you do anything else today, ‘Pull-a-Jen’ and help someone out.  The world will be so much better for it. Siriusly!

So without further delay,  I give you my boy in his new booty band (ding-dong-diaper?).  The moment I put it on he was back to being Jake.  He could move, he relaxed, I swear I saw a smile!  He could run in his unique Jake way, roll around, get up, get down. He’s like a canine James Brown!  Big Jake was also happy AND constrained so I proclaimed yiippppppeeeeeeee!

I mean, come on, she made a ‘yo Jake’ heart sticker for the package!  Tears welled up in my eyes.IMG_9634

The one-of-a-kind, the ORIGINAL!IMG_9637 IMG_9639

And now, Jake.  I am shocked I could even see him to take the photo, I cried so many happy tears! He jazz lunged for Jen in the first photo!IMG_9644

He showed rug that he’s still got it. IMG_9655

He struck a saucy pose. IMG_9659

I let him back up on the couch! IMG_9669 IMG_9671

He snuggled up to brother. IMG_9662

Then we added his robot collar in!


From the very center of our hearts we thank Jen and all things Sirius Republic.  There is something so delightful about someone who sprinkles so much love into everything she touches.  It’s magical and we feel very blessed to a part of her world!

Superhero: part one.

Remember our post last week about long-dong-Jake and our struggle for a diaper solution?  Let me just say, we leave no diaper stone unturned.

I bought 9 pairs of boys training underpants from 3 different sites.  All too small.   I bought pull-up diapers (human) size 2T (too small) and 5T (long enough but too roomy and they don’t have velcro so they fell off when he started walking).



I bought rubber pants (that people use when they use cloth diapers) — we are the proud owners of 4 of these. I bought disposal belly bands, they didn’t stay on.  I bought full on dog diapers that cover his bum but he was so uncomfortable and there is no need for his butt to not feel air.  As much as I want to live in a pee free world, Jake’s comfort is paramount.

As you will recall, we got super cute belly bands that couldn’t contain ‘the beast’ and thus couldn’t contain the pee.  We easily tried five other belly bands before this one.


We got him a better version, that had potential however the Medium went to 20 inches (circumference) and Jake is 21-22 inches around in that area so it dug into him.  The large jumped up to 25 inches so that option was out. The medium is the one we’ve been trying to make work (I cut one of the sides to make it more comfy but of course that one cut is a personal invitation for pee to flow on over to the other side. This version also has the most abusive strip of velcro I have ever encountered.  The weight of the velcro weighs him down a little.  Dude can’t even stand up most moments so adding pressure to his back is not optimal.

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With almost all the belly bands, we use maxi pads inside to keep him dry and help with leakage.  You have heard of crazy cat ladies?  Well I’m crazy maxi-pad lady.  There are packages all over the house.  If you need a really good laugh, you should see the look you get from a guy when he sees an open package of maxi-pads in the kitchen.  Anyway, if need be, I could have made that belly band work with some doubling-up of products (and some duck tape). And if you are wondering at this point, why the struggle?  Jake is only six. He has 20 good years left in him (I aim high).  This is the reality and solutions will make it easy, normal, struggle free. Also, Jake is a really big small dog.  He is between a med and a large in almost everything.

In the same sense that we leave no rock unturned, we don’t opt for half-ass. So as I sat at my computer looking for even more solutions, a chat window popped up on Facebook.  It was Jen from Sirius Republic and she typed in six words that made me squeal, tear up and will ultimately change Jake’s life forever:

“I may be able to help.”

Check back tomorrow to hear how our superhero changed our outlook and made our hearts happy. People, our world has been rocked!!

Working from home.

Most of my career has been spent in corporate America.  The majority of corporate America workplaces like for their employees to work from said workplace. Even when I was working for Verizon, and they were advertising how their services help people be connected from anywhere, they preferred for us to be connected to them via our desk inside their building.  I get it, a lot of people who claim to work from home might not work as much as they do when in the office, under supervision.  I happen to be someone who gets more work done at home than I do in the office.  I don’t know why.  It might be that I overcompensate to be sure work knows I’m plugging away but honestly, I think it’s just due to fewer distractions.

This past week I worked from home some.  On day one, the boys didn’t really know what to make of it so they spent a lot of time staring at me and following me every time I moved a nano-inch.  That drove me nuts didn’t bother me at all. But by day two, they got tired of staring at my piercing beauty and went about their way.  For Melvin, this was no different from any other day.  He has the house to himself when I’m at work so he just pretended to have the house to himself with me home.  Jake on the other hand tried to make good use of every single spot except his usual daytime hangout, the mudroom. That room was dead to him.

For the most part it went great.  There are a few things that need some tweaking should this continue.

  1. Melvin barked at every noise, even fake noises and noises that occurred in Europe that he sorta think he could have perhaps heard.  When Melvin barks, Jake barks double and scurries around on his wonky legs pretending he can see out the window and that something is most definitely out there so he keeps honking.  When I’m not home I leave the noise machine on for them but white noise during the day DRIVES ME FLIPPEN BONKERS and I refuse to have the TV on while I work because daytime TV lowers IQ (true story).  Anywhoo, I put music on but even rifts in the music made Melvin bark.
  2. I need to leave the house at some point each day (aside from dog walks).  My guess is the unibomber worked from home and never took breaks away from his cabin.

And now, I give you my assistants.  They are the worst, most cutest workers ever.  There is also a shot of my outdoor office where the assistants did even less work than they did inside.

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Reality bites.

If you read this blog often enough, you know that I choose to see humor in things.  I choose to laugh instead of cry (when appropriate). My personal Facebook profile photo says: choose happy.  I have that to remind myself that at the core, that is who I am.

Some of our realities bite.  I’m guessing that is true for every living creature on this great planet.  I joke about meatballs and pee issues because, well because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry hysterically.  I wish Jake’s reality was different.  I wish that he was not losing control of his body so early on in his life.  I’m constantly asking the vet to confirm the process is not painful for him.  When his legs give out, despite how often it happens now, he still turns to me with a terrified look on his face.  Me crying won’t ease his fear.  So I say ‘you’re ok bud’, and I believe that he is with all that I am. I set him upright and send him back on his way. There is no other choice, this is how life goes for him, and thus for me.

You know that saying, that you don’t get what you want, you get what you need.  That has always rung true when it comes to Melvin.  He is nothing that I expected yet everything about him makes me and my life better and brighter.  He has shown me the ‘way’.  From him I have learned that not every itch can or should be scratched. Recently, I realized the same is true about Jake. Every struggle, every challenge, he makes me a better person. My little comedian helps to maintain the humor.  From him I now know that into every life, some pee must fall.

In full disclosure, I get frustrated.  I don’t enjoy pee, it’s one reason I have no interest in the puppy years.  I am a bit of clean freak and pee tends to haunt me.  During the belly band struggle, there have been a lot of accidents.  Sometimes I have to go outside and scream (at the universe, not at Jake).  Carrying him is not always the easiest task either.  I’m still nervous when I carry him down every morning.  I get sad when he struggles.

But when frustration or sadness creep in, I’m reminded that he’s mine for a reason.  It’s not just me getting him through, he is part of my path too.  You commit to unconditional love and the universe is bound to test it.  Reality may bite sometimes, but life is sweet and it’s too short to not seek out the joy every chance you get.

This past weekend was stressful.  I tried so many different belly bands for Jake, I went out and bought toddler underwear for him (he’s not human so that was a huge waste of $$) and there were a lot of accidents/drippage.  I walked outside to scream – a lot.  But then, an angel read about my porn star’s issue, reached out, and said she might be able to help.  More about that in a future post, but let’s just say this savior of ours brightened our day, lifted our spirit and is SIRIUS-ly awesome!

Happy Tuesday!

Well hung.

This post is 100% what you think it is about.  Jake’s dong is huge.

Listen, I have embraced the fact that his hind legs are entering into early retirement.  I fully understand that as that happens, a meatball will pop out here and there.  I accept that he cannot always hold his pee.  What I did not anticipate was trying to find a belly band that would hoist/hold in/control his humongous…buddy.

Melvin is 50 lbs bigger than Jake. Jake’s man part is twice the size of Melvin’s.  I bought Jake belly bands that fit his TINY, IS-HE-WEARING-A-CORSET, SIZE WAIST but they are no match for the man part.  I put the band on and Big Jake pops out.  I hoist up, tuck in, clip tight and one minute later, there he is.  Both of him. I can’t go up in size because then it won’t fit his lady waist.  The struggle is so, so real.

Jake was apparently born for porn.  I feel bad denying him his destiny. In the meantime, google is likely laughing their asses off at my recent search terms.

(sorry if this offended anyone! all details are truth).  I am not going to include photographic proof, instead I’ll just include saucy photos that he could use for his online profile.

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Boys on film.

Vacation is awesome so far! Days spent around the backyard pool, beach, naps, delicious dinners.  Adult beverages (this one requires its own sentence). Do I miss the boys?  I miss them SO much that I won’t even attempt to use words to describe it.  Funny story: the vet called to check in, probably because we have not been to see them in five straight days.

I have a camera that I can check-in on the boys.  One is the Melvin cam.  On this camera, one thing is for certain,  you will never see Melvin on it.  No matter where I put it, he will not go there. Apparently he is in witness protection and knows when he’s being watched.

The Jake cam is somewhat more successful, but only because Jake spends the daytime (or whatever time humans are not home) in the mudroom. So we are hard pressed to not catch Jake on the camera.  I wish I could say the video was funny or adorable but all it is BORING.  He sleeps all day.

These are captures from two different days.  Dude doesn’t even switch up his position.

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In case you didn’t see it on Facebook, can you please click HERE and vote for Jake (from Ashburn) for a cutest dog contest??!!!  Thank you!!!

Bon voyage!

It’s that time again, family vacation week!  This year, it’s actually ten full days of family, fun, relaxation and yes, unfortunately, missing the boys.

As always, they were VERY sad to see the suitcases come out.  I actually had to put my suitcase up on a chair because I was afraid Jake might try to pee on it.


Their food is stockpiled, instructions are out, dog sitter gift wrapped! They will be in AWESOME hands, V, the live-in dog person, always spoils them and loves on them!

So while I will miss my chicken and chicken nugget, I’ll be spending some quality time with these little monkeys!

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While on vacation, I might post, I might not post but I do promise to get caught up on my blog reading!!!  Can’t wait for that part.