A few weeks ago, I thought we were nearing the end. Doug was struggling so much, and his light was dimming. I talked to all our vets. I cried harder than I have in my whole life. I held onto him as tightly as possible. We decided to forgo his rabies vaccine. It felt like giving up on our future together, but he was in such a bad place, it was the right decision at the time. And then, cooler weather ushered in, and joyful, wiggly, Doug returned. He got his toys out. He wanted to walk more on walks. His peppy step and booty shake we’re back. I cried more, driven by the deepest gratitude imaginable. Today, we got his rabies vaccine. We take wins whenever we can because the root of what NCL is, is a thief. A thief of joy, of stability, of movement, of time, and one day, of Doug. And I know our time together is shorter than the lifetime we deserve. But today, we invested in a little hope. We have today, and that’s a lot. #neuronal_ceroid_lipofuscinosis #neuronalceroidlipofuscinosis #loveliveson❤️
Doug and I turn seven today. Seven years of loving this perfect, majestic, hippopotamus. Doug is proof that for me, it is never too soon to love again. Doug helped me navigate my Jakey grief (by chasing me relentlessly and mouthing my feet until I cried, and in those moments, I forgot how sad I was 😂). Our beginning was rough, but that’s ok. Every health issue, every leg surgery, just made me love him more. When NCL initially gut punched us, I knew I had to figure out a way to pack all the love he deserved, into a much shorter lifetime. And that is exactly when the pandemic hit, and gave us two and half years of spending all day, every day, loving on Doug. Loving Doug, is easy. He’s perfect. He is the joy of my life. I always thought that Melvin was it. The one and only. A love unlike any other. But what I’ve leaned is that, Melvin was the beginning. A love so wonderful, that I would dedicate my life making sure it lived on. Where I left off with Melvin and Jake, I picked up with Doug. And then that love just kept growing, like wildfire. How incredibly lucky are we. And so even though, more than half of his life has been spent with NCL, his entire life with me, has been one beautiful day after another. A love written in the stars. A love that will outlive any ending. Doug, thank you for the best seven years of my life. I promise to make all your days joyful and easy. Thank you, for rescuing me. ❤️ ( and thank you @rescuepetconnect for giving us the chance to be).
I’m trying to give Doug, new opportunities. He loves being in the car, so that ranges from trips Starbucks, the beach, and an attempt at ‘camping’. I thought new stiffs would bring him joy. So, I booked us a @getawayhouse . Doug slept the whole way there, about 90 minutes. Once we got there, I carried our stuff in then came back to grab Doug. The cabin is surrounded by rocks (think bigger than gravel, smaller than boulders). Doug immediately struggled. He had no power over the surge of dizziness the rocks caused. I ended up carrying him in, and he proceeded to hyperventilate. I did everything I could to calm him down, and had no idea how I was going to convince him to go back out to at least potty. He had the hardest time relaxing. I have been to Getaway before, and will definitely go back. But what I realized on this trip, is something Doug has been trying to tell me for a little while now. He finds calm and stability, in the familiar. He struggled at Spring Break. He struggled at the beach. But when he gets back home, he’s better. I’m more happy that I realized it, than I’m sad that NCL has taken away adventure. Doug has slowly become a home body, and honestly, I don’t know if that is all NCL. Some of that is also Covid and some of it is me. But regardless, it’s where we’re at. And as long as Doug is with me, where we’re at, is the most beautiful spot in the world. I created a highlight of our failed attempt at camping! So many have reached out for info on where we went. You should absolutely go! Just don’t invite Doug, he’s a hard pass. ❤️ #neuronal_ceroid_lipofuscinosis #neuronalceroidlipofuscinosis #loveliveson❤️
For us, NCL is loud. So I provide Doug calm and quiet. His days of zoomies, are sadly long gone. He needs peaceful walks, soft places to nap, me, and food. The beach was loud. Kids tend to bring the noise. Doug didn’t do great while we were there, a little because of noise, but more so because of too many slippery, uneven surfaces. It felt like a lot of struggle. Now that we are back, he’s having a hard time settling into our normal routine. I’m not sure why. But I can tell, he’s tired. And I’m worried that has nothing to do with vacation, and more just a sign that NCL is hard on his body, and he doesn’t have it in him to do this forever. I am back to crying a lot. When I got Doug, the reason I was ok with getting such a young dog was, I’d finally have a lifetime with one. I thought, I’ll have him longer than I had Melvin (seven years). And, he’ll live the longest; I can finally watch one of my dogs grow old. Jake was 8, almost 9 when he died, Melvin had just turned 10 when we said goodbye. Come September, I will have had Doug longer than Melvin. I’m hoping we get to that point. We’ve worked really hard for it. But I don’t see a world where Doug isn’t my youngest dog to say say goodbye to. He’s seven. I’m heartbroken to think, he might always be seven. I wanted a long, full lifetime of joy for him. For us. Over the next few weeks we will see all his vets. The neurologist will be clinical and non-emotional, and that’s ok. He’s doesn’t know us very well at all. But he knows NCL. Our regular vet and holistic vet, who have always championed Doug, will be honest. And I care deeply what they think. But as it was with Melvin and Jake, it’s only me who will see Doug’s light start to dim. It’s me who promised to love him truly and unconditionally. Me who promised his life would be measured in joy. Me who promised that when he was ready, I’d be ready. I would never let struggle tip the balance. I will dedicate every second, every minute, every hour until his end, making sure he feels all the love in my heart. Until then, we’ll be here, snuggling. Doing what we do best. Love.💙
Right after Melvin died, Ed Sheeran’s song Photograph followed me. For months, I heard it every time I got into my car. Every single time. When I would ask him for a sign, this song would come on. The truth is, I have felt Melvin next to me, since the day he died. It’s hard to explain, but he’s never felt far away. And the lyrics to that song were a reminder that, I carry him, in my heart. Melvin changed everything. He changed who I became, he opened my eyes to rescue, and to almost every health issue in existence. Without Melvin, there would have been no Jake. Without Jake, no Doug. Melvin showed me what my heart was capable of. Melvin was my only dog when I found out I couldn’t have kids. He made me realize that not all moms give birth. That sometimes, mom love is just who you are, that selfless love you give when you want someone else’s life to be all that it can be. Melvin was the one, the OG. And last night, for the first time, I heard Ed sing Photograph, live (swipe). I also cried at a concert for the first time. Tears of joy, and gratitude, and celebration that Melvin was mine. That the universe gave me that majestic beast to love. Gave me him, so I could mom. Melvin man, my love for you still grows, every day. ❤️ #loveliveson❤️
I am so very behind on a Bob post. For those who don’t know, Bob is a feral cat that showed up at my house 6+ years ago. I started feeding him, and for about 5 1/2 years, he ate here. Along the way, I had him trapped, neutered, vaccinated, ear tipped, and chipped to me. I have bought him 47 condos (he stepped foot into zero of them). I got the garage heated and AC’d, and taught him to come through the open door to eat. He does not want to live inside this house or the garage. I have never been able to touch him, which is probably for the best since I’m deathly allergic to cats. I love all animals, but before Bob, cats were my least favorite. He has broken my heart a million times because I want to control for his safety and well being, but he doesn’t give a single shit about my ideas. About 7 months ago, he suddenly stopped coming here. I looked for him, I cried over him. I checked shelters for him. I tried to comprehend that there is a scenario where I never see him again, without ever knowing what happened to him. A month and a half ago as I was backing out of my garage, I was watching the back up camera and there he was, sitting in the driveway. I had stopped putting food out for him about 3 to 4 months into his disappearance. He was very thin, he was missing hair around his neck. He had sores on his body, and he generally seemed unwell. The local Cat Cohilition in our area was hoping to trap him, but attempts fell flat. I didn’t focus on that. I focused on loving him. Feeding him good food, as often as he’d eat (which was a lot). Getting meds into him to kill the flea infestation. Making sure he had fresh water. Trying to show him he can depend on me. He may never allow human touch, but if I start talking, he follows my voice. If I call for him, he comes. He’s back to a healthy weight. His hair has grown back. The sores and fleas are gone. The light is back in his eyes. He sits in the driveway while I randomly talk (to a cat), and those moments are our love language. I don’t know if he will go missing again, he probably will. But I do know that when he needed care most, he came home. And I think that is all that really matters. 🖤 #bob #crazycatlady
