Happy Birthday, baby! You are this life’s joy. I don’t know how I got so incredibly lucky to be your mama, but the gratitude in my heart for all things you, is infinite. More of your life has been with NCL than without it, and I have a lot of emotions about that. But, I am honored to stumble through this life with you. You make life beautiful and wide, and I’m grateful for every moment with you by my side. Happy 8th Birthday, Doug! #loveliveson❤️ #dougholupka #wemadeitto8
Last year, I didn’t think he’d be here at this point. Shit, two months ago I didn’t think he’d make it to the holidays. But he’s here, with me, and he’s doing ok and that is so much more than so many have right now. We have been living with NCL for four years, and I have not taken one of those days for granted. I am so blessed, and so thankful, and so grateful for this little man, (and his MIA brother), and our beautiful life. No matter what comes, we will do our very best to meet it with a grateful heart. “What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you”. TS #grateful #thankful #loveliveson❤️ #dougholupka
Today was hard. I took Doug to get some eye tests done. The University of Missouri Veterinary School is the only organization currently studying Canine NCL. This is not research that will help Doug. It’s research so that one day, they can find a cure. We agreed to help, so that a future Doug & Tracey, won’t have to go through what we have. Today, they dilated Doug’s eyes and did a retinal scan and a few other tests. He is extra dizzy for a few hours. The appointment itself was awkward. The vet techs didn’t know we were there for a research test. So they asked what was going on with Doug’s eyes. I had to explain to them this was not for Doug. I had to explain that Doug wouldn’t be treated as a result of them. I had to share that Doug will die before this research helps someone. Everything about NCL is hard. But as I lay here with him, I’m glad we helped today. Even if i had a very public breakdown. Even if Doug is a little extra dizzy tonight. I hope they learn something from the tests. The final way we will help, is when we donate brain tissue after Doug dies. Typing that, never gets easier. I think as his NCL progresses, it gets harder. More real I guess. But one moment today, gave me strength. As I was sitting in the waiting room, crying, I suddenly felt Melvin and Jake. Their love was all around me. Three brothers. And me. 💙💙💙#neuronal_ceroid_lipofuscinosis #neuronalceroidlipofuscinosis #loveliveson❤️
A few weeks ago, I thought we were nearing the end. Doug was struggling so much, and his light was dimming. I talked to all our vets. I cried harder than I have in my whole life. I held onto him as tightly as possible. We decided to forgo his rabies vaccine. It felt like giving up on our future together, but he was in such a bad place, it was the right decision at the time. And then, cooler weather ushered in, and joyful, wiggly, Doug returned. He got his toys out. He wanted to walk more on walks. His peppy step and booty shake we’re back. I cried more, driven by the deepest gratitude imaginable. Today, we got his rabies vaccine. We take wins whenever we can because the root of what NCL is, is a thief. A thief of joy, of stability, of movement, of time, and one day, of Doug. And I know our time together is shorter than the lifetime we deserve. But today, we invested in a little hope. We have today, and that’s a lot. #neuronal_ceroid_lipofuscinosis #neuronalceroidlipofuscinosis #loveliveson❤️
Doug and I turn seven today. Seven years of loving this perfect, majestic, hippopotamus. Doug is proof that for me, it is never too soon to love again. Doug helped me navigate my Jakey grief (by chasing me relentlessly and mouthing my feet until I cried, and in those moments, I forgot how sad I was 😂). Our beginning was rough, but that’s ok. Every health issue, every leg surgery, just made me love him more. When NCL initially gut punched us, I knew I had to figure out a way to pack all the love he deserved, into a much shorter lifetime. And that is exactly when the pandemic hit, and gave us two and half years of spending all day, every day, loving on Doug. Loving Doug, is easy. He’s perfect. He is the joy of my life. I always thought that Melvin was it. The one and only. A love unlike any other. But what I’ve leaned is that, Melvin was the beginning. A love so wonderful, that I would dedicate my life making sure it lived on. Where I left off with Melvin and Jake, I picked up with Doug. And then that love just kept growing, like wildfire. How incredibly lucky are we. And so even though, more than half of his life has been spent with NCL, his entire life with me, has been one beautiful day after another. A love written in the stars. A love that will outlive any ending. Doug, thank you for the best seven years of my life. I promise to make all your days joyful and easy. Thank you, for rescuing me. ❤️ ( and thank you @rescuepetconnect for giving us the chance to be).
I’m trying to give Doug, new opportunities. He loves being in the car, so that ranges from trips Starbucks, the beach, and an attempt at ‘camping’. I thought new stiffs would bring him joy. So, I booked us a @getawayhouse . Doug slept the whole way there, about 90 minutes. Once we got there, I carried our stuff in then came back to grab Doug. The cabin is surrounded by rocks (think bigger than gravel, smaller than boulders). Doug immediately struggled. He had no power over the surge of dizziness the rocks caused. I ended up carrying him in, and he proceeded to hyperventilate. I did everything I could to calm him down, and had no idea how I was going to convince him to go back out to at least potty. He had the hardest time relaxing. I have been to Getaway before, and will definitely go back. But what I realized on this trip, is something Doug has been trying to tell me for a little while now. He finds calm and stability, in the familiar. He struggled at Spring Break. He struggled at the beach. But when he gets back home, he’s better. I’m more happy that I realized it, than I’m sad that NCL has taken away adventure. Doug has slowly become a home body, and honestly, I don’t know if that is all NCL. Some of that is also Covid and some of it is me. But regardless, it’s where we’re at. And as long as Doug is with me, where we’re at, is the most beautiful spot in the world. I created a highlight of our failed attempt at camping! So many have reached out for info on where we went. You should absolutely go! Just don’t invite Doug, he’s a hard pass. ❤️ #neuronal_ceroid_lipofuscinosis #neuronalceroidlipofuscinosis #loveliveson❤️
