Last night, in the clearance bin at our local pet food store was a denim dog vest.  I don’t think I can explain to you how much I have wanted to get Jake a denim vest, in fact I have bought several that didn’t fit and it made me sad. Real sad.  But today, I am so bleeping happy cause dude’s life is now complete!!!!

I think you  can tell by the look on his face that he is totally into it.

Hey guys.  Jake here.  Life is so sweet, just thought I’d take over and gush about my awesome existence and sexiness.

Here we are making an “S” for SEXY. 

I’m still CEO of the meatball factory.  Business is great!  We’ve added a few new products into the mix, including but not limited to: a steady pee stream and drooling on demand.  Also, and this seems to happen a lot when business is good, me and the mama bond a lot at night.  I love it! She seems less enthused about it but I know I will win her over!

Look into my eye (you have to choose only one)….

My brother is awesome!  Lately he has not felt great.  I know this because I’m so good at smelling him (I know what you are thinking, however I am not talking about his butt, although his butt is still the sweetest smell in all the land).  No, I know when he is not feeling great just by smelling every inch of his body (which I do several times a day so that he knows just how much I care).  If he lets me complete the task, he doesn’t feel good. I’m so smart.

Please make him stop smelling me. 

What else, what else.  Oh right, crazy Lady got some contraption and she thinks it’s HI-larious to strap it to me.  First off, she’s downright terrible at getting me in it (OK, fine, I try to make it harder on her but you try sitting still while someone attaches a rickshaw to your hips and let me know how well you do!).  I of course take off running the first chance I get and she proclaims ‘you’re doing it, you’re doing it’ and I think “oh no, she’s drinking again” and then I realize I’ve covered a lot of ground quickly and I have no idea how I did that (must have teleporting skills) so I stop and issue her a death stare and threaten through my gaze that I will soon learn how to teleport back to the couch.

So to recap, I’m still a sexy beast, business is great, brother is delicious and She is trying to turn me into a wheelbarrow.

Happy Tuesday!

I know the life Melvin had before me. His humans would leave for work and put him outside in a fence-less yard. He would roam the neighborhood. He would get picked up by animal control. Repeat, repeat, repeat. It’s a miracle he was never hit by a car. (Other, not so great things happened to him in that life but we won’t dwell on that here). Due to his being an outside dog, once he came to live with me and experienced the warmth and coolness and comforts of the indoors, he has never really been a dog who will go outside alone.  I can’t stand at the door in an ice storm and get him to go potty, I have to physically walk outside with him. I get it, he’s afraid a door behind him will close. Door is always open here my love.

The only thing I really knew about Jake’s previous life was that there were two dogs and he was not the chosen one. His lab brother would get taken everywhere and Jake would sit at home, alone, for long periods of time. When he first came to stay with me, he would sit for hours, in the same spot.  He was so conditioned to wait, that he he’d do it, even when we were sitting right next to him.  He eventually stopped waiting and got up and moved forward.  Also, and this is just a hunch based on the bed that he brought with him from his first home, comfort was not something that family felt dogs should experience.

He takes full advantage of comfort here.  FULL.  Like he doesn’t even care if you are comfortable or not, dammit he will be!  I really like that about him.

Ahhhhh, I love sprawling out my parts on my this couch. 

I know this is Melvin’s bed but he has this furry insert that feels so good up against my sexy body so I’ll risk it to be in here. 

I love laying on my right side and staring at Melvin’s sweet-smelling bum-bum. 

Now to the left next to my the fireplace. 

I read that royals have feet pillows so thus I shall have feet pillows too.  

I know you said you have a stomach ache but your stomach is so comfy so I will lay upon it and you will let me. 

(Ok, so this one does not scream comfort but his legs gave out under him like this and well if you don’t laugh you’ll cry so I of course had to take a picture, and laugh some more.)

Rub my belly woman. 

This does not need a caption. 

If you think I’m sexy and you want my body go ahead and tell me so. 

Melvin and Jake don’t do great with kids.  Melvin has no idea of how big he is and will barrel towards them with no sign of using his brakes.  He will also attempt to eat food out of their mouths. No one enjoys this.  After the initial excitement and feeding frenzy, they start to make him nervous. On the occasions kids are over,  I have trained him to get up and leave the room if a child’s energy or actions are stressing him out.  He ALWAYS takes advantage of this and I always make sure the child knows not to follow him.  Sometimes he just stays in a different room the whole time.

Jake is an ankle biter.  I guess it’s a Frenchie thing.  He has worn down teeth so it’s not a huge issue in terms of inflicting pain or damage but I also do not want him doing it.  If you ignore him upon walking in, he does not gnaw at you.  Adults can help with that training.  With kids, you can’t really say ‘he might bite your ankles but it won’t hurt!’ (I don’t want to give them nightmares or scar them forever!)  nor do I want Jake thinking he can put his tic-tac-teeth on anyone, so I either separate Jake from children or if they are dog friendly kids, we put the kids up high until Jake tires of their newness (takes about 5 min).  By then he could care less.  The only time he will keep going on the chase, is if the child is wearing a tutu.  Tutu’s drive him completely insane and he cannot be within ten miles of one. He goes into ‘must destruct the tutu’ and no child who is wearing a tutu is wearing it so that Jake will tear it off of them. Lesson learned, trust me.

My four-year-old niece came to stay with us this weekend.  (She was the victim of the tutu massacre a few years ago – she was fine, the tutu was not). To say Jake was enamored during this visit is an understatement.  He followed her around, snuggled her so hard and I could tell he was in love.  He cried when she was unreachable.

Can we keep her? 

The best way to be sure Melvin won’t roll on top of her and to give him distance without denying him snuggle time.  

She even wore Jake on her shirt! (and she is not shy when the camera comes out). 

We do Jake’s wheels everyday now.  Each day we add a few minutes.  Some days, he runs zoomies.  Some days, he stands more still than a statue, issuing me a death stare.

The key is getting him into the thing.  If it goes well, he’s great.  If I struggle, he retaliates.

The thing is, Jake’s body is SO weird.  The differential from his neck to his butt is huge.   Every few inches down the length of his body can vary in girth several inches from the previous two inches.  So the straight metal bars that run along his side, are a little snug in some areas (as they should be) so I can’t just back him in and then lift his legs in the loops.  We hit resistance.  And when that happens, it triggers the meatball factory to start production. My life is so glamorous.

Slowly but surely we are getting better at it each day and he still comes when I call him over to it so that’s a win.  We hope to leave the yard in it sometime in 2015!

One constant positive, Melvin doesn’t give two craps (pun intended)  about Jake’s wheels.  He refuses to move when Jake comes barreling towards him and Jake is quickly learning to make sharp turns to avoid ramming his brother.

Three of our blog friends lost elderbulls this week.  Rescues.  Deeply loved.

To Sarge, Gertie and Mr. B – you were loved.  Your life was made better by the humans that were there with you at your end. Awesome humans who knew time would be short, but were committed to making every moment sweet.  Their goal every day, to rain joy down upon you.  Mission accomplished.  Now they take on the job of grieving.  With great love comes deep grief. But it’s always worth it. Our thoughts and prayers are with your humans.  Our heroes.

Run free sweet, loved, elderbulls.  I am a better person for having heard about you.

Got these for Christmas!

I stared at Jake’s wheels for a few days. I read the directions about fifty times and I still felt like I wasn’t ready. I mean I was ready for him to use them and be on the go, but that first time putting him in the wheelchair, that could make or break the future times. So I studied and we waited. Then on New Years day, I knew we could do it.

I took the boys out back. Eventually I called Jake over, I lifted his hind legs in and I did all the straps and clips and snapping. I went to reach for my camera and HE TOOK OFF. It was clear that he was running away from the wheelchair. It took a few moments for him to realize he was attached to the wheels (and this was post crashing into the fence at top speed). The first video is from when I was able to push record after he had already crashed and as he was still trying to out maneuver the wheels (by hopping). The first video might also make you throw up because I was pretty excited and not steady.

The second video is less nauseating and he was only about 3 minutes into his first wheel experience and already doing sharp turns!

We did five minutes day one.  We’ll do a little more each day.  All in all, dude was born to ride!

Christmas was wonderful!  Family, fun, food!  Couldn’t have asked for better company.

Jake got a super cute hoodie…

The day after Christmas was lame.  I got a stomach bug and was down and out for three days.  THREE DAYS.  Then on the fourth day, I got a migraine.  True story people.  But five days post-Christmas (and ten pounds lighter). I woke up feeling great and ready to enjoy the last days of the year.  Melvin had other plans.

The boys were out back playing find-it.  Melvin knows this game well.  He searches for treats I’ve hidden, finds one and moves on to find the next.  Jake is terrible at this game.  He stares at me the whole time, then when he hears Melvin crunching, he runs over to the exact place Melvin found a treat and looks around.  When he finds nothing, he stares at me with disgust.  Good times.

Jake looking in the same exact area Melvin just found a treat.  “Find it” my ass. 

Melvin stopped in the middle of the game to take a #2 break and that break ended up taking an hour.  Only problem is, nothing came out.  He stayed crouched and suffering and I had no idea what was happening but after 45-minutes I had to go get the leash to walk him inside (still crouching) and take him to the vet.

Melvin has colitis (he has had this for several years).  The translation here is that we live our life at the opposite end of constipation with him.  At the vet they did an ultrasound and he was very ‘backed up’. Which is odd since he religiously goes once a day.  They gave him an enema (yes, stomach bug, migraine, dog enema, you are reading this right and yes, we live in Sexy Town) so they could take a better look.  They have not ruled out a hernia but for now, we are home and watching him.  I’ll take him back in to get another look at his digestive tract to see if there is actually a sluggishness about it or if this was just a late,  one-time-only, Christmas gift.

So happy new year to you!  Wishing you a year that is mostly the opposite of this update! Jake’s wheelchair has arrived so you can look forward to many more fun times from this blog in 2015!

Christmas is my favorite holiday. Like times infinity.  There are really no words to explain to you just how much I love Christmas.  It’s not the gifts (although I won’t reject them!).  It’s about family coming together and being present.  Just being, in the moment.  Sitting on the couch, in our jammies, no one even knows where their cellphone is.  Those people (and dogs) on that couch, that is my meaning of life.  That is all I need.

I am very fortunate, which means Melvin and Jake are fortunate too.  Anything they need, we make sure they get.  But because of that, because they have unique needs like allergy monitoring and wheelchairs, because the things we do to keep them healthy, raw diets, speciality treats, a million beds for Jake to pee on… because they have what they need, at Christmas, they don’t get gifts (from me) (they don’t  realize this so don’t tell them).  Instead, we give to those in need in the dog’s names.  We pop over to shelters and make some donations, we donate to fosters, we take gifts around to neighborhood dogs.

So our wish for you (regardless of what you celebrate or don’t), is that you find yourself on the couch surrounded by the things that bring you deep joy.  That you get and that you give.  That love overcomes you, in the best possible ways.

Merry, merry and happy, happy!

I’m sure that many of you know how wondrous pumpkin is when it comes to our dogs.  If they have the trots, pumpkin can firm that sh&t right up.  If they are constipated, boom, pumpkin fixes that too.  I don’t know how it works but it’s a canine digestive super food.

It does something else too.  For those of us you  OK fine, us, that have a dog that likes to…eat their poop (why people?  I mean seriously, why?  I read the same things you do that says eating poop is different to dogs than humans view it… uh, gag). I digress, where was I? Oh right, if your dog loves the taste of crap, adding pumpkin to their diet will make their own poop taste disgusting (more disgusting ?) and they won’t eat it. Now they might still eat the delicious poop of the dog next door if that dog does not eat pumpkin, can’t help you there.

I’m not a doctor (officially), speak to your vet about this stuff but here is how it works for us.  Jake gets a heaping teaspoon with every meal, and he has not eaten his own poop since we started this.  Amen.  Melvin, who happens to be allergic to pumpkin (of course he is) still gets a little in his meals also.  Melvin has colitis.  The treatment for his colitis is to take Metronizonale (which negatively affects his liver).  Pumpkin does the same thing and the side effect is a little itching.  Liver damage trumps itching so I opt for pumpkin (just one of the many decisions I have to make on his behalf but I feel really good about this one).

Also, when you run into an issue with…stubborn diarrhea (yeah, I just got chills too), Honest Kitchen makes an AWESOME product call Perfect Form.  It’s all natural, a powder, and you sprinkle it on their food for a few days and boom, issue resolved.  Of course that is if the poop issue is dietary indiscretion, some poop issues are much more serious and you should always see your vet if it last for more than a few potty breaks. (seriously take my advice with a grain of salt, your vet always knows best).

Happy pooping  weekend!

I used to eat poop.  But now I don’t.  That makes me even more sexy, hey ladies.  

I have this thing I do each night.  Since days can get so hectic and there is not always dedicated time to sit and focus on the dogs, each night before bed I sit on the floor with them.  Melvin will snuggle up next to me and Jake climbs on my lap and flips over backwards (I’ll get video for you, he’s like a dog baby).  I pet them and, nerdily enough, sing ‘their’ songs to them.  It’s clear I’ll never be a songwriter but my audience does not even understand the human words I’m saying so to them, I’m a Grammy contender.

Max’s song was: Maximilian, Maximilian, you’re my handsome, handsome boy. Maximilian, Maximilian, oh you bring me so much joy.  

(Stop laughing, Max’s was my first song attempt, they get better!).

Melvin’s song is: Oh Melvin, into my life you came.  Oh Melvin, no day is ever the same.  Oh Melvin, Max is our angel up above, Oh Melvin, to you I give my love. 

(See, I improved! And PS. That song is where the blog name comes from.).

Then it came time to give Jake a song.  I tried so hard to be loving, to be thoughtful. I mean for God’s sake, these are lullabies.  But the song in my head was always the same… I’m a little Frenchie, short and stout, here are my meatballs, here is my pee. 

Not all songs rhyme.

Happy Thursday!

Last Tuesday, Jake had in-home therapy with Dr. Krisi and during the session, she helped me measure Jake for his wheels.  People, measuring is not easy, and since there are welded components that are not adjustable, you need to be solid on the numbers you send over. It took two people, two different measuring tools, two large books (to put on each side of Jake to truly measure his width, and a wooden spoon (to hold up his private area – i don’t even know what that one was for, maybe he is getting some sort of dog thong).

Prior to measuring, I had used social media to ask around for the best wheels.  Oh Melvin fans and the French Bulldog Rescue Network community all agreed – Eddie’s Wheels was the way to go. I filled out the order form and submitted it.  It was past five by the time I ordered so I figured they would reach out to me the next day.  Not the case, I got a phone call 15 minutes later and had the most delightful chat with the rep. We talked about Jake, she suggested the type of support system that would be best for his specific issues and she gave me some general info about how his life would be with the cart.

I don’t know about you but I have never ordered, had or put a dog into a dog wheelchair before.  Taking those measurements and paying the money is one thing, getting him into the thing and taking steps to make sure it’s a good experience for him, well that all causes me a little trepidation.  Talking to the folks at Eddie’s Wheels, I feel like I have a partner.  I know they will guide me when need be, I had the best feeling after hanging up with them.

Jake’s new ride should arrive sometime around Christmas.  We can’t wait to get started on our next chapter with him!

Waiting for his wheels!

Last year at this time, Jake’s legs went from ‘his gait is so funny’ to ‘why is he not using his hind legs!’. A vet visit led to an emergency neurologist appointment. MRI, Spinal Tap, the works.

After we looked at his hot mess of spine on all the photos, and determined that it was not cancer or infection, we sat down to discuss what would happen next.  The net, net was: he will never get better, and in fact, he will only get worse.  They couldn’t tell me how fast any of it would happen and they didn’t even feel like they needed to see him all that regularly.  In that moment I felt like I was not qualified, I mean why wouldn’t we come back weekly so they could tell me what point he is at?  What would happen to him?  How would I know what was happening was normal?

The neurologist was wonderful.  He immediately sensed the panic (ok fine, I may have been crying hysterically and talking in a pitch that only Jake could hear) and said 1. Here is my cell phone number, call me anytime.  If you ever think Jake is in pain, we can help with that. 2.  He reiterated, he will not get better.  He will have good days and bad days and eventually he will not have much use of his hind legs at all.

It was so matter of fact.  Up to that point, every issue I ever had with my dogs was along the lines of ‘let’s try this and see’. I asked when he’d need wheels and the vet said: not yet, but you’ll know when.

Jake is being measured for his wheelchair tomorrow.

And I’m ok with that and I’m so flip floppin happy that wheelchairs for dogs exist and that we can afford it.  I am not sad.  In the last year I have learned to champion Jake.  When others look at him and say they are sad or ‘poor Jake’, I say with complete and utter conviction: he is fine.

I’m fine guys. 

Here is the thing though.  If Melvin started limping, I’d have him helicopter’d to the Mayo Clinic.  Melvin’s issues still need to cause me concern and I need to be aware of his changes. My vigilant eye for Melvin must stay honed (in case that mystery cancer shows up) but for Jake I have learned to separate the inevitable from something that could be new/treatable. For Jake, I have had to learn that today is just another day closer to him not being able to walk.  And if he knuckles all day, well, whatcha gonna do?  I am not nearly as upset seeing knuckling as I was one year ago. That is due in part to my now split personality. Also, I think I may be a vet.

Jake’s getting his wheels!  We’ll keep you posted on how long it takes after the measurements happen (tomorrow) and the order is placed (later this week).  I’m guessing he will be rollin by early 2015.

Two very different dogs.  Despite the illusion, both are looking at the camera. Even jazz split. 

Shortly after I first got and named Melvin, he started making Chewbacca type noises. I kid you not, he speaks wookie (wooky?).  He would make the noises loud and proud too, like others would question if he was a dog. I considered renaming him.

I’m Melvinbacca.

Those noises have faded some over the years.  He’s still Chewy in the morning when he wakes up but that is about it.  Until recently, when he started doing a hybrid version of wookie and moaning.  He’d do this mostly when he was going from sitting to laying but also in his sleep when he  rolls over or re-positions To be clear, the moans are pretty loud. The moment the moaning started, I thought… he must be dying.

Here is the thing… with others, when they moan or feel a pain, I am the first one to say ‘I’m sure it’s nothing’ and I wholeheartedly believe that to be.  I am not a worrier (unless something is confirmed that it should be worried about).  This is not the case with Melvin.

A few years back, when Melvin was losing weight, having increased tremors, low energy and the whatnot, several vet visits led our medical team to feel that Melvin might have a primary cancer somewhere.  We searched and found nothing.  Then, a few years after that he had his first seizure (and then others) and was having new, different symptoms along with the old symptoms that had come back and we went to see the neurologist who broke our bank did every test in the book and he too said the words:  my gut tells me there is a cancer.

They found nothing. But the seed had been planted in my head and I live with that worry now.

Melvin has a slew of ongoing issues and they have never really been explained (we just treat them for now). thus when he starts to moan, I think, it’s the end. Yes, I know it’s crazy and there is this little part of me that screams ‘stay calm, be normal, go towards the light!’ but I usually silence that voice and continue down to crazy town.

There is one other thing working against me on this.  Melvin tends to sit and stare at me.  When I say stare I mean ‘uses his eyes to burn a hole to my soul’.  And when he does this, I think he’s trying to tell me something.  I mean vets are always saying ‘they will let you know’.  So if he moans AND THEN stares, well I think you can imagine how fast it goes to DEFCON 1.

Soul staring. 

Melvin is going to the vet next week for a full workup. He has a lame liver so we want to be sure nothing has worsened on that front.  I know the moaning is likely old age, but we owe it to Melvin (and my sanity to be sure).  And we haven’t been to the vet in over a month so that feels super odd.

Happy Weekend from me, wookie and wonky!

He works very hard to be cozy.

The result:

Just a few things I’m thankful for, in no particular order.

Coffee, water and wine. Thin maxi pads and Jake’s Sirius Republic diaper collection (you can’t have one without the other).  Cute notebooks and sharpie writing pens. My family. Unconditional love. Social media’s ability to bring us together for good causes, like animal transports, friendships and rescue opportunities. Melvin’s soulful eyes. Salt. Faith. Home Goods. Target. Veterinary medicine (traditional and holistic). That I learned early on that being happy is a choice. Jake’s determination.  People who love dogs. Josh, Maddy, Emmie, Hadley, Blake and Lane (even when she growls at me, and btw she’s human). Freedom of speech.  Minty toothpaste. My hair stylist. New York, Virginia and Paris. HGTV. Window film. Natures Miracle products. Modern medicine. Friendships anchored in true acceptance and support (must also enjoy wine). Generosity and thoughtfulness. Goat cheese. Spell check. Online shopping. Amazon. Music. Migraine medication. You.

I mean who wouldn’t be thankful for these two knuckleheads? 

I had every intention of posting a week of thankful posts this week, but work has been really busy and Jake has had a bad legs week so I am going to try to push those posts to next week.  

Instead, I will get out my gotcha post to Jake.  He came to us two years ago on Thanksgiving weekend, so instead of picking a day, we decided to always celebrate (poetically) on Thanksgiving.  

My dearest Jake, on the drive to get you I kept asking myself ‘what in the world are you going to do with a little dog’?  Little (pun intended) did I know how big you’d end up being in my life (and since your neck is currently the same size as Melvin’s…). When you came into our home, my sole goal was integration.  Making room for you, without taking room from Melvin.  Setting you (and me) up for success.  It was exhausting watching your every move (you were mischievous), and training you to co-exist.  You would sit and stare at us FOR HOURS. I had no idea why.  My only guess was that you sat and waited a lot in your previous life.  But we would have none of that, we tried to show you that you didn’t have to wait for your life to begin, it was happening already.   One day you stopped sitting and staring and joined in, one of the best  days ever.

You being here makes sense.  A lot of that has to do with how I view health issues and how I approach challenges. My guess is, if you had not been given up at five-years-old because your family had no time for a second dog, they certainly would have given up on you when your legs started to fail.  You were meant to be mine.  I’m not sure what happened to your spine, the doctors are not even sure how one spine can be so messed up, but it also doesn’t matter what happened. You are you and your legs don’t work great and you pee without knowing you are peeing and you shoot out meatballs in your sleep.  People see you and say ‘poor Jake’ but I don’t see that.  I see Jake who runs even if his legs don’t cooperate.  I see Jake who knows to pause when he comes into the house because I have to put his diaper back on.  I see Jake who seeks out time with Melvin, even when Melvin runs and hides. We all persevere together.

The past two years feel like much longer, in a good way.  You have provided more laughter than TV ever could. I’ll provide the diapers if you provide the comedy.  I love that I still have no idea what you are looking at. My guess is that you will surpass your brother in terms of health issues. I was not sure that was possible but no matter what, we will figure it out.

I love you nugget, with all my heart and I promise you that this is your forever.  There is nothing you can rain down on us that will ever make us abandon you (not that you need to see this as challenge).   I promise to stay strong so I can carry you when you need it and Melvin promises to pull your cart if I get tired.  If you could promise to not bite his face or legs, that’d be great too!

The drive from your foster home to your forever home. You fell asleep sitting up. 

Your first Christmas with us (and my guess is, your first bow tie). 

Your first Snood. 

Your first custom-made jacket. 

Your first brother…

and best friend. 

This is the true story of how I thought Jake’s arm broke off.

He was doing that thing he does when he is about to hunker down for a nap.  Rolling on his back, flailing his legs all about, snorting, grunting, etc.  I was watching TV.  At some point I looked over and saw this:

My honest to God thought was: Did his arm break off?  But I was not panicked (I mean it’s Jake, somehow it would make perfect sense that his arm would fall off).  He was sound asleep so I leaned in to see what the situation was.

Almost as shocking as one of his limbs just breaking off, he had jammed both arms into the same arm hole of the sweatshirt.  This dog takes cozy to an extreme.  I of course left it that way so I could watch him get out of the situation, which he couldn’t and started howling.

#lifewithJake